I can be popular?

I stumbled across this guide in "How to Socialize, Be Funny and Make Friends", and have some major issues with it. First of all there are 17 steps to make all this happen. This is way too much for me. I need simplicity, damn it. Second of all, the very first step: Just be Yourself, totally contradicts almost all of the following steps for me. How can I be myself and, at the same time, follow such steps as: Be optimistic, Smile as much as you can, Don't expect perfection, Be patient, Place importance on making social contacts, Be nice to others and Be honest? That isn't me at all! Obviously this guide sucks ass, so I am going to make a better one for y'all. Check back in a couple days.

I see your Shatner...

...and I raise you The Right Brothers! Sorry for not sticking to the Star Trek theme, but these guys are too perfect to pass up. Before you watch this, just know that this is not in any way a satire:



Yup, search for the Right Brothers on YouTube and you can also hear such classics as the anti-abortion Momma I Want to Live, or the anti-global warming Stop Global Whining. Because, you know, Global Warming is a creation of that damn liberal media and that evil Al Gore. An overwhelming percentage of scientists support it? Well, they were all just nerds in high school and want to get revenge on the popular kids by taking away thier SUVs.

William shatner in Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Dude, the Leonard Nimoy Bilbo Baggins song is nothing. You need to hear the William Shatner album from the 70s. This video contains the unaltered audio from the record, which I have in mp3 here somewhere.

Happiness is a singing Nimoy

I post this without comment...

Yet another reason...

...to hate Rudy Giuliani:

"I'm rooting for the Red Sox," the Republican presidential contender said in response to a question, sparking applause at the Boston restaurant where he was picking up a local endorsement.

In my opinion, the only redeeming quality that Rudy had was that he was a Yankees fan, but now he just throws that allegience away by saying he's rooting for the most hated rival for a few votes. At least he was able to make the statement without mentioning 9/11...

DrX and the Impending Fires of Doom

San Diego is seemingly having problems with flames. So, my question to the San Diego family of DrX is, what did you do!? Bad DrX! I told you not to play with matches! Anyways, I hope DrX and his family are safe and I would pray for that safety, but God is too busy determining the outcome of baseball games. Anyways, DrX, if you take any cool pictures of the fires be sure to post them here. Fire is perdy. Best of luck!

A long weekend

Sorry I haven't posted this weekend, I was in jail from Saturday night until Sunday afternoon. It turns out that in North Carolina it is illegal to destroy the holy bible. Absolutely ridiculous! What happened to the Bill of Rights? This is a free speech issue, and I intend to take it as far as I can. I mean, it is kind of embarrassing, but it's my right to use the pages of a bible in place of toilet paper. It was the only paper product in the bathroom at the time, I had no choice! Ok, so it wasn't exactly a bathroom, but a living room, but does that really matter? Now I can't defecate in my own living room? Ok, it wasn't exactly my living room, but what counts is that I thought it was. Yeah, so I broke a window to get in and the house just happened to belong to a certain US Senator, but I didn't know that at the time. I mean, there were a lot of people there, I thought it was a party for me at my apartment. But no, it was a fundraiser dinner, or some shit. I mean, the door was open to the public (if you paid $500 per plate), does it really matter if I used the window? This is such bullshit. Did we all the sudden move to Nazi Russia or something? This is America, dammit! I should be able to shit on the living room floor of any senator I want, and use their family bible to wipe. Fascists!

The problem with Omnipotence

What is the point of prayer? By praying to god you are trying to bring something to his/her/its attention, right? But if god is omnipotent why would he need things bought to his attention? He/she/it is all knowing and all seeing, so why are you wasting your time? He/she/it would already know, so don't bother saying you're praying for me. It's a hollow gesture.

Also, being all knowing, god would know the whole course of your life before you are born. He/she/it would know everything you do and say and think for infinity before you do. So how can you say that god has given us free will? In his/hers/its eyes, our life has already played out and we are just going through the motions. That's pretty friggin depressing. And if that's true, what is the point of this life? If god already knows how your life is going to play out before you even come into existence, then he also knows if you are worthy for heaven or if you should be damned to hell. Why delay the inevitable, then? Why wouldn't there just be an afterlife with no real life? This life would be completely pointless. Damn that's depressing. I guess it's a good thing I'm not religious.

Could it be I'm just getting old?

I just stumbled upon VH1 tonight which had on an old "Unplugged" concert of Alice in Chains, so I started watching it. Now, back in the day, I never was much of an Alice fan, but I wouldn't change the channel if they came on. Anyways, listening to it now, I start to yearn for those old days and I'm afraid I'm turning in to a cranky old man bitching about the music those damn kids listen to today. So, I ask all of you, is popular music today much more shitty than it was 15 years ago? I mean, I don't really like any modern bands. The great thing about the internet is that I can constantly discover new great bands from previous decades. It's better than waiting for the radio or MTV to tell me who I should be listening to. Anyways, I'm sure there is good modern music out there that I'm missing out on, but I know it isn't popular music, because that is all shit, and I'm too busy scouring the 70s for punk bands I like to search anything modern out. But if anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears. Get me back into the now! Find me some good bands to listen to!

While we're talking of zombies....

Here's a great handbook for the apocalypse. You never know when society will collapse and need to be rebuilt, so study up! You can't be my friend unless you can help me survive the apocalypse, whether it be from nuclear war, massive economic collapse, zombie outbreak or squirrel revolution. Viva la revolucion de las ardillas!

Webcomic

Do any of my lovely readers feel like helping me make a webcomic? I have a great premise, but I don't have much time to actually make the comic. I may try anyways, but if anyone out there has any experience and free time to bring visualization to my scripts, it would be most welcomed!

Watchin' Movies

I just watched 28 Weeks Later last night, and it was pretty good. I really liked 28 Days Later, and I was worried when I found out that Danny Boyle wasn't directing the sequel, but it was rather well done and followed the premise of the first well. Now, I know these aren't zombie flicks, exactly. The "zombies" in these movies are actually people infected with some virus that causes them to go crazy with rage. Otherwise they are still very much human, and can die just like a normal person, it's just that they really don't feel pain because they are so consumed with an animal urge to kill everything. They don't kill each other, though. So what's up with that? I could understand the Romero zombie movies, where the zombies don't attack each other, since they crave the flesh of the living, not the dead. But in these movies, why wouldn't two infected people try to rip each other apart?

Also, after the breakout in the second movie the infected seem to run around aimlessly a lot. Now, this has to use up a lot of energy. Do the infected ever sleep? I would think they would burn themselves out really quick if they were just running around looking for people to eat nonstop. What would the life span of someone who is infected be? A week? A month? Do they eat animals besides people? Why do they eat people, anyways? Can cannibalism be caused by overwhelming rage? I wouldn't think that would be a symptom. I mean, how many murders actually result in cannibalism? Even if someone is really angry and kills from rage, they don't then eat the person.

I know, I know, it's just a movie. I find it a pretty fun premise, though, and think it could stand to be fleshed out a bit more. But anyways, watch the movies if you haven't already.

Stupid baseball...

The Yankees lost in the first round of the playoffs last night, which makes me sad. At least my NY Giants are doing well now, so it's back to football. That's about all that's going on in my life right now. Oh, I got a new laptop, too. It's pretty sweet. Maybe it'll get me to blog a little more often. I have to start looking for better things to blog about, though. This post is just boring.

A question

Do y'all know anyone who has a first and last name that are both just one syllable each? I started thinking about it, and I only know one that I can think of. I wonder how rare this is. Actually, now that I actually think about it, it isn't rare at all... Tom Cruise (or is it actually Thomas Cruise?), John Holmes, yeah, there are a bunch. I have just proved this post to be completely wrong and pointless. That's just how damned brilliant I am. I have the superior intellect to best one of the greatest minds on the planet... my own.

Ben Affleck is clueless

Ben Affleck believes that his relationship with Jennifer Lopez is what damaged his career.

It was probably bad for my career... I ended up in an unfortunate crosshair position where I was in a relationship and (the media) mostly lied and inflated a bunch of salacious stuff for the sake of selling magazines. And I paid a certain price for that.

Hmmm, let's see, what was more damaging to Ben's career? Was it dating J-Lo or it could have been Armageddon, Reindeer Games, Pearl Harbor, Daredevil, Gili, Jersey Girl, or Surviving Christmas? Maybe? You can star in so many awful, piece of shit movies before you become a total joke. If anything, the J-Lo relationship kept him in the spotlight a year or so longer than he should have been. And he used those several months to make Gili... Ben Affleck, if you actually read scripts before you accepted roles, maybe you'd still have a career, no matter who you're banging. Ben gets a lot of criticism for being an awful actor, but there are worse out there who have solid careers (hello Keanu Reeves!). So, my advice to Mr. Affleck: Learn to read a script and stay far away from The Bay.