Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Another guy's letter to Ben Stein

After my brother sent an email to Ben Stein and got a short reply, I decided to see if I could illicit a more thorough response, by being a little nicer. Here's my email to Mr. Stein (I added the link to the interview I am talking about, so you can see it for yourself and know that I am not taking anything out of context):

Mr Stein,

I am perplexed about the statements you recently made on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. You stated: "we don't want people to be fired if they say the planets stay in their orbits maybe because of something other than Darwinism. And we don't think Darwinism explains how the planets stay in their orbits.." and "[Darwin's] followers claim it explains everything including astronomy…". This is absolutely astonishing. I am a physicist working in the field of compound semiconductors, and in my college days I have taken more than one astronomy/astrophysics course, and I assure you that Darwin's theory of evolution is not taught to have anything to do with the orbital motion of planets. I am wondering from where you are receiving this information from, as I have never before heard anyone say any such thing, either in the field of astronomy or as a criticism of it. I believe that you may be speaking outside your field of expertise and have been severely misinformed.

Now, the real problem that I have with your comments are not that they are blatantly false, it's that you seem to be attempting to paint the entire field of science as a closed, dogmatic discipline that stifles any new ideas. It's become obvious that your fight is not just with "Darwinists" in the field of evolutionary Biology (a field that I have little experience in and therefor will not critique) but with science as a whole. This is very irresponsible, in my opinion. I am in a field where the United States is falling behind countries that have surpassed us in science and mathematical education. By demonizing science you are helping to ensure that we fall further behind the rest of the world in developing a scientifically skilled work force. If we are to maintain or expand on our country's current level of prosperity, we must encourage our youth to become more involved in science and mathematics, and we must have stringent standards in our education to ensure that they are truly getting the most current scientific understandings. You must be careful about who you are getting your information from because not only do you look very silly when you make ridiculous false statements on national television, but you are doing harm to those who don't yet have a formal science education, and may believe you. I apologize for the length of this email, but hope you have taken the time to read it, and feel free to reply. Thank you,

Here is Ben's first reply:

and I assure you that Darwin's theory of evolution is not taught to have anything to do with the orbital motion of planets. I am wondering from where you are receiving this information from, as I have never before heard anyone say any such thing, either in the field of astronomy or as a criticism of it. I believe that you may be speaking outside your field of expertise and have been severely misinformed.
Thank you for your letter. I agree it sounds amazing. But if you are kind enough to see our movie, "EXPELLED", you will see evidence of ASTRONOMERS who say they have been fired for saying darwinism had nothing to do with astronomy. i agree it sounds unbelievable.

And his second a couple minutes later:

Now, the real problem that I have with your comments are not that they are blatantly false,
In that case, after my polite beginning, i will just say good-bye.

Ben seems to be a little touchy, eh? And it's pretty obvious he didn't read the rest of my email. I did send him a reply to the first message:

When something sounds unbelievable, you must stringently research it. I'm afraid that you are being lied to. I've been in the field of physics for over 10 years, either taking classes, teaching or working, and have never heard anyone ever talk about "Darwinism" explaining the orbit of planets. This is basic physics. A planets orbit is determined by the gravity field in which it moves. There isn't a physicist in the world who would disagree with that. Physics is based upon mathematics, and the orbit of planets have been properly explained hundreds of years before Darwin was even born. You must have evidence for this claim, beyond the word of these astronomers?

I'll let you know if he replies, which I'm sure he won't. I have deeply offended him, after all. Again, if anyone else wants to send email to Ben Stein, send it here:
Let us know if he answers back!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

My email to Ben Stein

So, I sent this email yesterday:
Mr Stein,

I was deeply disappointed to read in your recent interview with
Christianity Today that you are quoted as saying: "Anyway, I couldn't
give a [profanity] whether a person calls himself a scientist. It
doesn't earn any extra respect from me, because it's not as if science
has covered itself with glory, morally, in my time. Scientists were
the people in Germany telling Hitler that it was a good idea to kill
all the Jews. Scientists were telling Stalin it was a good idea to
wipe out the middle-class peasants. Scientists were telling Mao
Tse-Tung it was fine to kill 50 million people in order to further the

As a scientist working hard to find and develop new antibiotic and
anticancer drugs for the betterment of mankind, I was deeply offended
by your statements. I don't understand where you are getting such
information, and what leads you to believe it, but surely you can
understand that thoughout history there are people in positions of
power who want to kill and destroy, and there are other people,
whether scientists, clergy, intelligence experts, political advisors -
or speechwriters - who are only too willing to tell them what they
want to hear to justify their evil. To blame science for the Holocaust
or any other horrific evil in history is absurd and distressing.

I have not seen your film, but if this is the level of discourse it
contains, I don't think I'll bother.

And then left my contact information. Click the comments for his response.

Monday, April 28, 2008

More Classic Cinema

In this scene the Henry Fonda character has been replaced by a talking horse/pig/cow hybrid:

Yes, I really am that bad at drawing...

Sunday, April 27, 2008

More Ben Stein

Here's an excerpt from an interview Mr. Stein did with Christianity Today:

Anyway, I couldn't give a [profanity] whether a person calls himself a scientist. It doesn't earn any extra respect from me, because it's not as if science has covered itself with glory, morally, in my time. Scientists were the people in Germany telling Hitler that it was a good idea to kill all the Jews. Scientists were telling Stalin it was a good idea to wipe out the middle-class peasants. Scientists were telling Mao Tse-Tung it was fine to kill 50 million people in order to further the revolution.

Damn, he's on to us! Remind me to bring this up in the next Atheist Scientists for Destroying All Humans (ASDAH) conference.

Classics In One Frame

As I said a couple posts ago, I'm bored. In honor of this, I have summed up a classic movie in one picture:

My Imaginary Conversation with God

All of these religious people, including our president, claim that they speak to God. So, I decided to give God a call and chat him up. Here is the conversation we had:

Kevin: Hey God, how are you?
God: What the hell do you want?
Kevin: I just have a question for you, sir. Why do you let evil happen in the world?
God: Because I hate you.
Kevin: You hate mankind?
God: No, I hate you personally.
Kevin: You let awful things happen because you hate me personally?
God: Yup, that about sums it up.
Kevin: So, infanticide, genocide, homicide, pesticide, all the 'cides in the world are because of me?
God: Are you fucking deaf? That's what I said.
Kevin: So, the universe really is centered around me...
God: No, it's centered around my hatred of you.
Kevin: Same thing. So, tell me something, if you hate me so much, why do you let me continue to be?
God: Yeah, I've been meaning to smite you, but you kind of make me laugh at times. I think I'm getting sick of you though, since you haven't come up with any clever one-liners lately. Maybe it is time to get rid of you.
Kevin: I tried to start a suicide club once, but interest died out.
God: LOL! That's comedy gold right there! That's why I love ya kid! But I still hate you enough to let an earthquake destroy an orphanage in Thailand next week.
Kevin: Eh, what can ya do?
God: Damn right. Later, chump!

Damn I'm Bored

I did nothing today. Nothing at all. It was boring as hell. All day I was like, "I'm gonna do something today, because I'm fucking bored." I had nothing to do, though. What the hell? I need better hobbies, so that I at least feel like I'm accomplishing something on my weekends. Well, I guess I had an excuse, since I'm just getting over my cold. I am feeling much better, now. And I have short hair, so that's something.

A cooler, sleeker Kevin

I went and shaved off all my hair today. It was just getting way to long and the weather is beginning to get rather hot down here. So, after shaving off all of that hair, I felt it was a complete waste to just throw it out and I decided I should do something with the leftover clippings. I gathered all of them together and glued them to an ant. Now I have the hairiest ant in the world! What is the point of that, you may ask... Well, now I am going to take my ant to the fair where he will win the prize for greatest thing on the face of the Earth and will become famous world wide. I will not take credit for the ant's success, however. I will leave it all for my insect friend and be happy that he has made a better life for himself. Short hair in the summer months is reward enough for me.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

My dating dilema

So, I don't date a lot. I realize that people have to go out and date in order to find the "right" person or whatever, but it just doesn't work for me. I think the problem is that crazy people are attracted to me. Whenever I do date, the lady always turns out to be fucking nuts (or married, but that's another story), so it completely turns me off from dating for long periods of time. Then I'll get bored/lonely/spazzy and date again. Guess what? That lady turns out to be nuts, too! Yay for crazy people! And I'm talking about legitimately crazy here. As in, having several prescriptions of anti-psychotics and multiple trips to the loony-bin crazy. Now, there isn't anything wrong with that if the person has their life together, but I don't get those. I get 'em while they're still full of the crazy juice. I'm gonna end up turned into a human skin dress if this keeps up. But, anyways, the thought of being single and in my 30s doesn't scare me at all anymore. That's all I got for y'all tonight. I'm gonna pass out and hope I don't choke to death on the massive amounts of snot coming out of my face. Colds suck.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Hoffs Destroy Kings & Queens

The Hoff's continued their undefeated march to the top of the Mid-Hudson Kickball League standings with a crushing 8-2 victory over the Kings & Queens in the season opener. Spawned on by 3 runs in the 1st and 3 more in the 2nd, the Hoff's ran out to a 6-0 lead and never looked back in an 8 - 2 victory. Look out next week as The Hoff's battle the 0 - 1 Rockstars in a classic kickball battle to go for 2 in a row.

Thursday, April 24, 2008


Tonight is teh first game for "The Hoffs", my adult co-ed kickball league team. Stay tuned for photos and updates as we battle 15 other teams for the championship and the right to go to Las Vegas to play in the national tournament. And rememebr, NO ONE HASSELS THE HOFFS!!!

Sorry for No Updates

I'm ill. I actually used a sick day for the first time since I was hired. Luckily I also happened to get a PS3 a couple days ago, so I'm at least entertained as I hack up my lungs. I am totally out of video game playing shape, however, as my thumb is absolutely killing me right now. I think I pulled a tendon. It's not going to keep me from playing, however. The NyQuil I just took, on the other hand, just may put me down. We will see. Anyways, everyone stay away from the sick bastard, as you may contract his plague.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Speaking of strange drawings...

Have you guys ever seen any Don Hertzfeldt cartoons?

Monday, April 21, 2008

A Recap of Friday Night

I do not at all recall the context in which I drew this picture. Can someone enlighten me? I know that's suppose to be Josh hitting on a tranny, but what the hell bought that up?

Sunday, April 20, 2008

April 20th

Smoke 'em if you got em, and kick Hitler in the balls!

Hotdogs cause odd dreams...

When I went to bed following the Ballpark Challenge I had some damn strange dreams. I guess having 9 hotdogs in your stomach will do that to you. Anyways, I had a strange zombie dream. This isn't new to me, either. I often have zombie dreams, but the zombies are always completely inept and the dreams aren't really scary at all.
Like in this last dream, I was in my parents house and we had it all barricaded while there were a bunch of zombies outside trying to get at our delicious brains. Anyways, I remembered that we forgot to barricade the doggie door, so I ran over there just in time to see a zombie poke his head through and try to get in. Good thing there was an axe handy, and I chopped his head off. Then another zombie poked it's head through and I chopped that off, too. Then another and another and another. So, here I am just chopping off zombie heads, and I'm really getting bored with it. That's when I woke up. Who would have thought a dream where you are slaughtering zombies could be boring?

Friday, April 18, 2008

The Official Ballpark Challenge Thread!

It's all over. You missed it. Both Josh and kevthegreat successfully completed the challenge without puking. DrX made a visit, and there were a couple people chatting, but it was kind of boring. The webcams worked pretty good, though, and Ustream is a good way to do this in the future, so keep your eye out for more challenges. Thanks everyone!

My Pre-Game Thoughts

I really do think this challenge is going to be fairly easy. The average Yankee game this year has lasted 3.5 hours and they have yet to go to extra innings. Nine hotdogs and nine beers in 3-4 hours really doesn't sound difficult to me. This scares me a bit though. The Rockies and Padres played a game last night, and into this morning, that lasted 22 innings which took over 6 hours. The ballpark challenge for that game may have been deadly...

Update (1:38 PM)
In what may or may not have been a smart move, I went to the Chinese Buffet for lunch. I didn't overindulge, and figured I needed a bit of a base for the beer portion of the challenge. Drinking on an empty stomach usually doesn't turn out well for me. Anyways, I am feeling a little too full right now and it's making me a little nervous. Just 5 and a half hours till the challenge starts...

Update (5:18 PM)
Just two hours to go, and I'm starting to feel pretty good. Chinese food for lunch was a very good idea. I am already starting to feel a bit hungry. Bring it on!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

The Challenge!

The live streaming coverage of the Ballpark Challenge is just a day away. This is a Batter Fried Bacon exclusive, people! The contestents are myself and the cheesburger and doughnut king himself, Josh (assuming he doesn't back out like a big wuss). The challenge will start with the first pitch of the Yankees vs. Orioles baseball game which should be around 7:15 PM EST. I will be attempting to have live video up as well as a chat box for the veiwing audience to heckle us. Come check in on us every once in a while and see if we're still alive.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

They're coming to get you Barbara...

It's official, I'm booked to make a trip to visit DrX over Memorial Day weekend. So, what's it gonna be DrX? What fun and exciting times do you have planned for us? It's Rhode Island, after all, the funnest place on Earth!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I've been putting it off...

...because I wasn't sure if this movie would be in any theaters, but I just saw a commercial for it, so I'm going to have to bitch a little. But actually, there are already better criticisms for this movie than I could ever put together. The "film" I am referring to is Expelled, the Ben Stein "documentary" about how Intelligent Design (aka creationism) has been unfairly "expelled" from schools and universities and its proponents have been discriminated against. The movie attempts to make out Intelligent Design to actually be science, which it isn't, and evidentially it loves to equate "Darwinists" to Nazis, and claim that "Darwinism" caused the holocaust. Yay! Sounds like a great time, right? And did I mention it has Ben Stein in it? Hooray! It's good to know that I'm no better than a Nazi since I support science. Thanks, Ben Stein! It all makes perfect sense!

Here's your dose of anti-religion for today

The pope is in the States today, and he's deeply ashamed that priests are molesting children and that "...we would absolutely exclude pedophiles from the sacred ministry." Just ignore this:

...of the 19 bishops "credibly accused of abusing children," none has lost his title, been publicly censured by the Vatican or referred for criminal prosecutions.

In the future the Catholic Church will make sure pedophiles will be excluded, but the ones that are already there are grandfathered in, of course! I mean, if you exclude pedophiles, finding enough new priests to take over for the current pedophiles would be impossible! It all makes perfect sense, and since the pope is infallible he's free from criticism. So, shut your mouth, molested kids! You're ruining Catholicism for everyone!

Monday, April 14, 2008

What better thing to do on Friday night?

This Friday night starting at 7PM, come check out the greatest live challenge in the history of the world! That's right, Friday night is the Ballpark challenge night. I will be putting up a live video stream of the proceedings and I'll also try to have a chat box up for all you crazy kids to better interact with your gladiators of gluttony. This is the first try, so expect some technical difficulties, but if it works well, then we may have a great new shtick. Friday at 7PM!!!

Sunday, April 13, 2008


I just filed my taxes (nothing like procrastination!) and I'm getting back almost $1,700! Damn, this country really should increase taxes on people like me. Anyways, I guess this seals the new tv thing for me, which is good for y'all since I may actually shut up about it soon.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Riches are relative

Why is it I am so hesitant about spending a grand on a new tv? Every week at work I use $100K equipment, and go through at least $1k of consumables while handling plates of wafers that are each worth upwards of $1k. Every week I process probably around $10k worth of material, and I am worried about spending under $2k on a tv. In my time working in this field I have probably broken more than $100k of materials and equipment, and I've been luckier than most people. Money is a lot easier to spend when it's not your own...

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Ok Braintrust, I need you!

I'm looking to buy an HDTV. Anyone have any suggestions? I want something big and under $2k, if possible. Has anyone done the research?

Okay guess this one....

Hint: He's a dork.

This is where I used to live....

It was a silly place.

Let's play guess the autograph!

Hint: He's a baseball player.

Why Physics is Cooler than You

This article from New Scientist explains why Physics rules:

Physicists have turned on the world's most powerful laser, whose pulses are more intense than any known light source in the universe... It can blast out infrared laser pulses that each have more than 1 petawatt of power. A petawatt is 1 million billion watts, far more than the output of all the world's power plants put together... A laser pulse fired at a piece of material like aluminium briefly heats it to millions of degrees Celsius and raises its pressure to about 1 billion times that at sea level on Earth...

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Video Wednesday

This is the kind of genius that I can strive my whole life to emulate, but will always fall short:

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

A contest

Cheetos is having a contest:

Create a Random Act of Cheetos, i.e., a video that shows a funny, mischievously playful use of Cheetos. Upload it here on AtomFilms for your chance to win the Grand Prize: a clip of your video featured on Comedy Central, $5,000 cash, an HD camcorder and a year's supply of CHEETOS snacks!

Hmmm, an HD camcorder... Anyone have any ideas? Deadline is April 27th.

What are you doing?

I get this question a lot, and the answer is always the same: It's none of your fucking business! And if you get in my way, I swear to motherfucking God, I will cut you! Now shut up and just put on that fucking hat! No! The red one, motherfucker! The goddamn red one!

Monday, April 7, 2008

Braintrust: Assemble!

OK guys, I have convinced a friend to possibly put on a play this summer that I am to write. I need ideas! Here's the thing, it's got to be appropriate for kids. Ideas people! Give me a hand, let's work this out! I'm thinking a really screwed up fairy tale of some kind.


Over the weekend I was playing around with putting live video on our blog here, and it worked pretty good. So this opens up some new avenues to annoy the shit out of our lovely readers. In the near future look for the Ballpark Challenge to be posted live. The Ballpark Challenge is, of course, eating a hotdog and drinking a beer every inning during a baseball game. I still have to play around with posting more than one feed at a time so that more than one person at a time can do the challenge so it might not be for a couple weeks. I'll give you plenty of advanced notice as to when to tune in. Anyone else have any good ideas for live streaming video?

Saturday, April 5, 2008

It's a multimedia blog!

Country music rules!

My week in summary

Work, work, work, work, got my NC license, work, work, fought a gang of hobos for a pair of shoes, work, work, work. It was a fairly productive week, but it has left me devitalized. I was once told by an old Native American shaman that to reinvigorate yourself after such a week, you must pray to the Great Turtle to come, then leave out the intestines of a buffalo as a tribute overnight. The next morning, if there are any intestines left, you must strip down naked and wrap yourself in the intestines while dancing and singing the "Turtle God Don't Love Me No More" blues, and try again the next day. But if the intestines are gone, then it is because the Great Turtle came during the night and ate them all, and you must then go out into the surrounding area and look for the vomit of the Great Turtle, which has miraculous healing powers. So, maybe I'll do that.

Friday, April 4, 2008

It's Friday...

The week is over, which means it is time to dance!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

It worked!

Well, after years of toiling away on this blog, I finally managed to snag some free stuff! W00t! In exchange for a free advance copy of the Marvel comic Kick-Ass #2, I am hereby obliged to review this book, available today in comic shops everywhere.

There's been lots of buzz on the out there in comic-book land about Mark Millar's new series. Kev, you'll remember that he wrote Wanted and Red Son, both of which we liked and talked about previously here. Kick-Ass takes place in our world, where there aren't any real superheroes, and the main character, a nerdy high school kid obsessed with comic books, decides to try and become one. He buys a wet suit, straps a baseball bat to his back, and goes on patrol. In his first fight, he finds some guys spraying graffiti, smacks a dude in the face with the bat, and, well, it doesn't go well from there, as issue #2 opens up with him in the hospital, and undergoing months of rehabilitation and counseling. He renounces his superhero ways, burns his comics, and then 1 page later is back in costume, on the road to redeeming himself - this time strapping on two baseball bats.

The reality of the world is the strong point of the series, so far. People assume that a dude running around the city in a wet-suit is a weirdo pedophile. There's a brawl in the middle of a city block, and it ends up on YouTube. The violence is brutal, chaotic and scary, especially knowing what happened the last time he got in a fight. The only quibble i have so far is that we still don't have a good sense of the motivation of the kid, and why he wants to dress up like a superhero and fight crime. This is especially jarring, as on the top of one single page he's feeling guilt and burning his comics, and at the bottom of the page he's in costume. Huh? But we're only two issues in, and maybe things get more clear later?

In any case, Kick-Ass is a great, fun read. Go buy it, since I didn't have to. Suckas.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Somebody got a webcam!

And I'm still not funny! The best part is, I am fully aware I am not funny just when I get started.

You may wonder why I post this. It's because failing is funnier than actually being funny. That's the key to comedy right there.

Thank You DrX!

I don't care what the other posters here say about you, DrX, you're ok in my book! That musuem must have totally kicked ass! I wish I could have went to the auction. This would make a spectacular tattoo:

American Dime Museum

Apparently, the American Dime Museum in Baltimore went out of business and liquidated its assets. It was a museum entirely full of random, weird-ass shit. You have to check out some of the stuff that was being sold.

It includes terrorist squirrels.