Sunday, December 21, 2008

It's a vacation

Sorry for no posts this week, and there probably won't be any more after this until the new year. It's a vacation! Don't you all abandon the blog forever, now. I'll have lots of fun stuff to post when I get back, including the progress of making some short films, some eating contests, the painting I made for my sister, and any adventures I have in the great North East. Everyone have a great Christmas and New Years!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

A Bonus

Here is a bonus painting for y'all. If you are wondering about the different style of this one, it is because this painting was originally my paining buddy's. She hated how it came out and discarded it, so I took it, added some water and a drowning sun. Enjoy!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

I just don't stop

The cow painting went over very well at the Christmas party last night and was stolen several times. And now I made the mistake of promising paintings to people. Here is the first. It is a mongoose playing poker with a cobra:

Looking Ugly

So tonight I am hosting an Ugly Christmas Sweater party along with my roommate Jen. We are expecting about 25-30 people all dressed up UGLY. I'll try to post up the pictures in the next week or so once I have had time to download them. Be on the lookout. Go UGLY or go HOME

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Winter Wonderland

My professor told me today that it would be a cold day in hell before I passed his final exam....I wonder if he knew it was snowing here in Houston when he said this?

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

A question to all my readers

If you could take any animal and genetically engineer it to be large enough, and domesticated enough, to ride to and from work, what would it be? I think I may choose a giant wasp. How bad ass would a 600 pound wasp look like, flying through the air with me on its back, with a cowboy hat in one hand and a giant lollipop in the other? 

Sunday, December 7, 2008

The finished product

The Cownibble

From a sketch to a masterpiece

Last night I sketched out the painting I'm planning on doing today. For comparison's sake, here is the sketch now, and I'll post the painting tonight, if I finish.

Friday, December 5, 2008


It feels like most of my posts on this blog start with me apologizing for not writing anything lately. And this is one of those posts. I need help from you folks, however. I have a Christmas party coming up for work and we are doing a gift exchange. I was planning on making a painting for this, but I'm not sure what to paint. I am currently leaning towards a portrait of a cow eating a hamburger, but I am open to suggestions. Anyone have any? 

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Late night reading

Roger Ebert does a much more thorough job reviewing Expelled than I did.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Back to the grind

The holiday week is over, folks. Time to get back to everyday living. Sorry, I have no paintings for you tonight, I didn't have the time to get more paint and canvas this weekend. I should have something for you next week, though. If anyone has any requests for paintings, let me know. Canvas and paint are pretty cheap, so I'll make something for everyone if you'd like. It just might take a while. Paintings for all! 

Also, I am in need of a creepy puppet for the upcoming film I am going to attempt to make over the Christmas holiday, and was wondering if you guys could help me out in finding one. I was thinking something along the lines of a lizard, but anything creepy would probably do. Oh, and I'm on a budget, so nothing too crazy.

Friday, November 28, 2008

The day after

I hope everyon had a great Thanksgiving and properly stuffed themselves full of varying sorts of food. This is the last day that the parents are in town here, so I'll try to post something over the weekend. I may be doing more painting tomorrow, too. Anyways, what good stuff did everyone have for Thanksgiving dinner?

Monday, November 24, 2008

Thanksgiving break

OK folks, the parents are in town for Thanksgiving, so I'll most likely be MIA for the rest of the week. Hope everyone has a great holiday and gets to eat a ton of turkey!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

More painting!

Well, I spent another Saturday afternoon painting, and here is the result:

Yay for breakfast!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Late night delusional story time

There was a boy who had an abnormal fascination for a table. The boy's love for the table was not returned to him, since everyone knows that tables are incapable of love. The boy didn't care, however. The love he had for the table was his, and he wouldn't give it up for anything. One day someone came and took the table away and the boy was very sad at first, but then realized that the table didn't have to be there at all. What he was really in love with was the feeling the table gave him. Just thinking of the table back to when he loved it was enough to get him through tough times. The love the boy had was truly selfish, but maybe all love is. But the table never cared. 

Because I'm lazy...

..and don't feel like making a real post, since I really have nothing to say, I will now post some music for your veiwing and listening enjoyment. Kick out the jams, motherfuckers!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Expelled for boredom

Just watched Expelled on Netflix. I was going to write a review, but there really is no point. The movie is everything I was expecting and didn't wait long to show you that. In fact, right in the opening credits was old footage of Nazis and the Berlin Wall being built. The movie was just more frustrating and chaotic than outrageous, though. 

The thing I consider the most ridiculous thing: the movie is suppose to be about how Intelligent Design (ID) is being unfairly shut out from the scientific community despite it being a legitimate science. Why then, for the entire movie, is there not a single mention of any findings of ID, nor even a solid description of ID? You would think that a film about ID's struggles would have a good description of what it is. But that would be impossible, because ID isn't a theory at all, it is just a critique of "Darwinism" and claims that anything that "Darwinism" can't explain must be the result of an intelligent designer. There are no scientific studies behind it. And by "Darwinism" they are actually talking about Darwin's findings only, as if Evolutionary Biology has made no progress in the past 150 years. 

Buy anyways, Stein's comments in promoting the movie were much more inflammatory than anything in the film. It pretty much just harps on the fact that beleif in "Darwinism" leads to atheism, and atheism is bad because the commies were atheists. Yeah, that's about all they had. Fuck it, it's a waste of time.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Now I'm a Painter!

Seeing as how I have lived in the same apartment for a year and a half and still have blank walls, I thought it was about time to do something about that, so I invited a friend over and we went and bought a bunch of painting supplies and painted pictures. What I learned is that I am a pretty decent artist. I now present to you my first painting ever. I call it "Mr. Plum's First Day of Work at the Toothpick Factory":


In case you are not a Netflix user, let me enlighten you with something cool they now have. For almost a year now they have been adding movies to their "Watch Instantly" section that you can watch streaming over the internet. The picture is pretty good, and it's a cool little addition, especially since you have unlimited access with no extra charge to your subscription. I just noticed that in the instant watch section they have added Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed. You may remember DrX and I sending Ben Stein emails about this movie and comments he made promoting it, but, as far as I know, neither of us have watched it. Well, my goal is to watch it this weekend and post a movie review. This should be fun...

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I've got a problem with...

Here is the segment of the blog when Kevin drinks a bunch of vodka, goes to a random article on Wikipedia and bitches about whatever comes up. So, for the first installment, I've got a problem with Raymond Vieussens. So he thinks he's all special because he could accurately describe a human heart? Yeah, that's real tough. Oh, so he lived in the 1600s and was a pioneer in cardiology. Know who else was a pioneer in his feild? Hitler, that's who. Now, I'm not saying Raymond Vieussens is as bad as Hitler, I'm just saying that if he had lived in Nazi Germany, rather than 17th century France, he'd probably be Hitler. And I'm not even going to go into his penchant for having sex with sheep...

Should Joe Really Be Excited???

The Yankees made their 2nd move of the off-season today (the first was re-signing Marte to a 3 yr $12MM contract when he sucked last year) by trading for the great Nick Swisher. As you can read in the story below:

Nick Swisher had the worst batting average among MLB players with at least 500 AB's last year. THE WORST!!! "We're excited with the addition of Nick Swisher," Joe Girardi said in a statement released by the team. "We feel he has a ton of upside.

Ton of upside??? The guy is the worst hitter in the Majors! How can he not get any better. That's like saying I see a ton of upside in McDonald's cheeseburgers becoming healthier. They can't get any worse for you as it is.

Unfortunately the off-season has gotten off to a slow start for the Yankees and I don't see it getting any better. They'll overpay to get C.C. who in 2 years will weigh 300 pounds and be worse than Bartolo Colon (remember him? Yeah I barely do either).

At least the Redskins will destroy the Cowboys this week.

P.S. - Next week is the Kickball championship tournament. I know ya'll can't wait for updates, so check back next Friday. VIVA LA HOFF

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

A call for help

Alright folks, I need an office and an apartment to film in while I'm up in Albany. Anyone have anything in the area for me? Also, if we do the majority of the filming the weekend after Christmas, who is going to be around to help me? I still need one actor and two actresses. Kris has shown a willingness to be one of the actresses, so I just need one more. Any of you guys have any hidden acting skills by any chance? 

Correction: I need two actors, two actresses and a dead monkey. One of the actresses has no lines, gets to dress like a hooker and play dead.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Plum Story

I woke up one morning a few months ago and found a plum sitting on my bed. Just a single, solitary plum sitting there staring at me. I asked him what he was doing there, but he didn't answer. Plums have a way of doing that. I got up and went to the bathroom to get ready for work and the plum followed me. I tried to ignore it, but it was always there lurking. Ever since then the plum has been following me around. Sometimes I think it has gone away to bug someone else but it always shows back up. I've debated eating the plum, but I don't like the taste. I could try and pawn the plum off on someone else, but that would be unfair to them. So here I am, stuck with a goddamn plum following me around wherever I go and I wish I could get rid of it.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Weekend Movie Reveiw

Every weekend I watch at least one movie, so it occurs to me maybe I should use the blog to review and recommend those films for all of you. Might as well give it a shot, eh? Anyways, this weekend I watched the film Mongol. It is a fairly new release and I had wanted to see it when it was out in theaters, but never found the motivation to find where it was playing and go see it. I'm kind of glad I didn't. Anyways, this film follows Ghengis Khan through his childhood to him uniting the Mongols. It was a very beatifully filmed movie, but totally didn't do it for me. 

The film was fairly slow moving, but it is easy to deal with, since it was a beautiful film. It's best quality, I think, was the time it took to show the beauty of the scenery the film took place in. My main problem with the film was that everything about it was ridiculously unrealistic. It had a spiritualist message that it constantly hit you over the head with, which really annoyed the hell out of me, and the battle sequences played more like a martial arts film then a non-fiction drama. Look, this wasn't a bad movie, and is worth watching, but these were just the little things that annoy me about it. So, I guess I would recommend this movie, but don't expect anything all that original or spectacular. It is a very pretty film, though, so get it on Blu-Ray if you have one and watch it on a big screen. 

So, what do y'all think? Should this be a regular thing?

Thursday, November 6, 2008


It looks like I live in a blue state: link
Just goes to show you what a wacky election this was. A black guy won the majority of votes in North Carolina. I guess all us transplanted yanks are doing something good down here. 

Something we all enjoy

And no I am not talking about a handjob. I am actually talking about Siena Men's basketball. Its getting to be about that time of year again. I've started to do some reasearch and the men are playing some tough temas this year. Games against ranked teams such as Tennessee, Georgetown, Pitt, Kansas and others await. But Siena was ranked #1 in the MAAC by the coaches and Kenny Hasbrook is the pre-season MVP. Also, College inside has ranked Siena #5 in the country among mid-major conferences and Kenny as the MVP of the mid-majors (although I think it'd be Stephen Curry). Also we got 13 points in the preseason top 25 poll.

I know its only pre-season rankings, but things look good this year and we can watch the Saints in teh tourney again in 2009 when we conviene in Houston. Let's Go Saints!!!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Someone has to comment on this...

...and it may as well be me. It has been official for a while now. Us American participants of this blog have a new president. Now, seeing as how I write on a blog, I must automatically assume that everyone needs my opinion on this, so here it is. Obviously, this was an historic election, as we finally break our streak of old white guys running our country. The way I figure it, this can't be a bad thing. Hopefully it will encourage a whole generation of minorities to become more involved in politics and push some of these cynical, greedy bastards out. So, what about Obama, specifically? Well, I'm really not sure. The past 8 years have really fucked things up royally, and I'm not sure how successful anyone could be in turning that around. I do like the guy, though. He seems to be genuinely intellectually honest and capable, but I'm afraid he's going to be under fire from the start and beaten down, with Republicans picking up some of their lost seats during the midterm election and sending us back into partisan inefficiency. Well, at least this election is a good sign that this country is finally becoming more socially progressive. And if a black man can get elected president, maybe one day an atheist can, too. Eh, who am I kidding? That ain't gonna happen in my lifetime.


Hello, is anyone out there??? I realize I do not post too often, but does anyone read this anymore? Does anyone other than Kevin take the time to make posts? And how about the Animal Survival Contest? That generated a ton of posts and replies. Let's get back to completing it. What is going on with you people?

Sunday, November 2, 2008

The problem with pandas

Anyone have a small dining room table for me? I'll give you a magical rock for it that will grant you one wish. I wished for a pet talking panda, which was a very bad idea. Pandas may be cute, but they are mean little bastards. And you know what? They aren't that little, either. Now I have a 400 pound panda locked in my bathroom, yelling that he's going to rip out my throat and feast on my intestines. And he expects me to open the door for him? I figure another couple of days and the panda will be weak enough, from lack of food, for me to sneak in there and hit him in the head with a hammer. That leads to another problem, though. What do you do with the corpse of a talking panda? I'm thinking bbq

Friday, October 31, 2008

The problem with people...

They appreciate the known over the unknown, no matter how promising the unknown is. What? DrX can post ridiculously short and uninformative posts, but not me?

Thursday, October 30, 2008

And speaking of religion:

Christians. Praying for money. To a golden bull. Seriously.

This could only have originated from somebody trying to fuck with Jesus people, right? Or the 700 Club.

Deuteronomy 23:1

That is all.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Maybe I should rethink this...

In trying to film myself shaving in the style of The Bay, I blew up my bathroom... Now I have a mess of burnt shaving cream to clean up. I suffer for my art. Look for the video in the coming days.

Update: Great, I have burn marks on the ceiling that won't come out... Bye bye security deposit!

Update 2: Ok, I can't resist posting this now:

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

It's 6:00 and I'm stuck at work

SO the last two weeks has been budget season here at "The Card" and it sucks. Basically, I have done nothing the last 4 work days, but yet am I told I have to sit here for another 2 hours after my usual leave time "in case something happens". Nothing ever happens except me sitting here bored. Sorry if this is a boring post, but I needed to ge this off my chest. It's fucking ridicolous. I'd rather be watching a video of Kev shaving his legs than sit here any longer. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Challenge me!

Ok, so here's an idea. I'm going to make another movie this coming weekend (since I have nothing else to do). The next movie will be Kevin shaving, sticking with the morning routine theme. You guys pick the style you want to see it done in. Whether it is a genre, director, or specific movie, just throw some ideas out here and I'll put it up for a vote or something.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

I can't be stopped!

Another boring day, another video!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

My first short film

Seeing as how I am bored and I own a fancy new camera, I now present to you my first short film:

Friday, October 17, 2008

Rum Chugger

So there has not been many stories told of the great Schneider wedding of 2008 on this blog, but I do have 1 that I have been meaning to post.

On the day of the wedding, myself, Kev, Phishbone, and a few others went out for a nice relaxing lunch at the local pub. Upon arriving back we stopped by our rooms to get ready for the wedding.

In my room, I open my bottle of bicardi and pour myself a drink. About 2 minutes later Kev entrs and asks if I still have any bicardi. As someone how prefers to not drink alone, I offer him my bottle which was about half full (1 liter size).

To my amazement, kev takes the top off and begins to chug the bottle of rum. In about 10 seconds, Kev the Great drank half a liter of Bicardi. Then he turned around and walked out of the room back into his own. I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say or do. I go next door and he and Fish, and BG are laughing histarically (sp?). apparently they decide to bet Kev he wouldn't go into my room and drink my rum, so he did.

And what did kev get out of this bet??? NOTHING!!! Apparently in his infant wisdom he forgot to bet anything. Well as the wedding proceeded about 1.5 hours later, Kev did manage to stay awake through the ceremony. However various reports had him vomiting during teh cock tail hour and possibly in teh beginning of the reception. I do have to admit though, kev was still drinknig trhough out the night as he bounced back like a true alcky.

And that is how kev the Great became Kev the Rum Chugger. The end

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I got it!

My new camcorder came today! I've been screwing around with it and it totally kicks ass. Anyone know of any good video editing software?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Nag, Nag, Nag

So it seems that my brothers have inherited this special skill from my mother. They forget that the whole world doesn't have a cushy job which includes sitting in front of the computer all day. ;)
So what is it like to be a hairdresser? It kinda sucks, actually. You have to be on your feet all day with your hands in wet hair and have to do all the sucky customer service and sales things that you'd have to do working in Macys. The worst part of all is having to make small talk with 10-15 people every single day, it's horribly draining. Teaching is certainly better, you get to do the fun parts without the dried up hands, sore back and feet. Turns out I'm pretty freakin good at teaching, too..
You'd think that being around 200 cute 18 year olds would be a good thing, but have you been around an 18 year old lately? I swear they're like 12. And our school doesn't have federal funding yet, so a lot of the girls who are there have parents who can afford to just drop $27K on a year of school. Doesn't matter how cute a spoiled 18 year old is..

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Looking for a distraction

I know I haven't been doing much blogging lately. I don't even really know if I know how to blog. Fine thing to be learning over a year after starting this thing. Not much excitement happens round here, and I'm not one to get too personal about anything, so therefore not many posts. All I got is these stream of consciousness blabberings (is that a word?). Anyways, did anyone do anything exciting over the weekend? I watched a ton of movies. I find that I never get lonely as long as there is a good movie for me to watch. Hmmm, maybe that's stunting my social life, but I don't care, it's what I love. I'll be working second shift again this week, so I'll try to post some stuff late at night when I'm bored at work. I'll try to be more entertaining, too, but no guarantees. 

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Oh, it's on!

I just ordered a A Sony hdr-sr11 camcorder. It's on folks! I figure there will be plenty of time for me to learn the ins and outs of the camera by the time we are ready to shoot, but this is real now. We're making a mother fucking movie! 
Beck, do you actually read this blog? If so, are you going to be in NY at Christmas time and can you do hair and makeup? You've done photo shoots before, right? Maybe you can help out with lighting, too? That's gonna be the area where I'll need the most help, I think...

Thursday, October 9, 2008

I have a free ticket!

Hey folks! Long time, no see! I hope everyone is doing splendidly! Anyways, I just thought I'd let you all know that I have earned a free round trip plane ticket to anywhere in the US. Unfortunately there are blackout dates around Christmas time, so I can't use it then. What I can do, however is use it to fly somewhere in the next few month in order to make a short film with my wonderful friends. That somewhere would most likely be Albany. Anyone think they could meet me there at anytime? Or should I just wait to film that when everyone is around for Christmas? I've got the itch, folks!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

I'm still here!

Hey folks, sorry for not posting in a while. It's been a kind of crazy week for me. I am back, though, and I come bearing pictures! You see, I went deep sea fishing yesterday with a few guys from work. It was pretty cool. The boat left out of Atlantic Beach at 6AM which sucked, especially considering we were up until 2AM drinking in the hotel. Anyways, we went way way out into the ocean and fished all day long and ended up abducting a ton of fish from the ocean. Here's my catch:

Yup, I caught a shark. Here's a closeup of his angry little face:

On the way back to the docks, we came across a group of dolphins who decided to play in the boats wake:

It was a fun trip, in all. I'm a bit sunburnt, but it was worth it. Hope everyone else had a great weekend! 

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Hurricane Ike Pictures

My kitchen ceiling wasn't vaulted when last I saw it.

One side of the backyard. Tree underneath the fence aren't too damaged, but the worst part is that the neighbors have this little ratty ass dog that they just turn loose. This dog tried to attack Phishbone through the window screen. Dog is damn lucky I'm not at home.

Other side of the backyard. There are three other trees lost in the branches of this fallen one. The next pictures are what the area looked like after we cleaned up the backyard.

This landscaping was completley hidden by the fallen tree.

Unfortunately I don't have pictures of phishbone and I up on the roof putting the tarps down, but it was fun.

Yo Phishbone!

Let's see some pics of the destruction!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Bye Paul

In case you all haven't heard, Paul Newman died late Friday night. He was a great actor and the star of a couple of my favorite movies (as well as a billion others): Cool Hand Luke, and one of my top 5 favorite films of all time, The Hustler. He seemed like a pretty cool guy, not a massive douche, so it's kind of sad. He was old and had cancer, though, so not much of a surprise. In case you haven't noticed, I may be the poorest eulugy writer ever (Update: Roger Ebert does a much better job than I). Anyways, enough writing and more film clips. Here's part of the final scene from The Hustler:

Friday, September 26, 2008

Tell us a story Beck!

Our newest poster has yet to post! It can be a bit difficult to find something to post about the first time, so let me help get you in the swing of things, Becky. Tell me, what's it like being a hairstylist? What goes into a typical day, and how many hot single girls do you work with?

Thursday, September 25, 2008


Ok, so I have been without power for over a week now and I have been "sitting alone in my 4 cornered room staring at candles", literally (reference to the dude above). Now , I was wondering if what I was doing last night would be considered crazy. I was commentating for my own solitaire game. Not just one commentator, but two (a color guy, and a play-by-play guy complete with different voices). Is this crazy for me? If not, I am interested to know what you all think would be crazy actions by me. Feel free to comment.
(forgot where I found picture, sorry)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

New Poster!

You may have noticed on the sidebar that we have lost one blogger and gained another. Unfortunately there was a philosophical disagreement between Mummy Hitler and I. He wanted to kill me and eat my brains, and I wanted a cheeseburger. Anyways, Mummy Hitler has been removed from this blog and has been replaced by Becky. Feel free to post on anything, Beck! Just please don't talk about cycling... 

On a side note, today is the first day I'm going to work 2nd shift at work, and I was looking forward to sleeping in. So, of course what happens? Today is the day my apartment complex decides to mow the lawn at 8:30 in the morning right outside my window. This is how my life is going lately, people. 

Sunday, September 21, 2008

He set 'em up, I knock 'em down

DrX: What kind of card does one send to somebody in rehab?
Me: One that can't be smoked?

So, DrX and I have a friend that went into rehab, and we were wondering what would be a good thing to send to him. No packages are allowed, just cards or letters, so sneaking in a hollow cake full of heroin is not a possibility. What does the BFB community think? Does Hallmark make rehab cards?

Lazy Sunday post

This has been the longest weekend of my life, I think. The problem is, I'm not sure what I'm waiting for on Monday. Imagine someone tells you that in a couple days you are either going to win the lottery or be hit in the balls with a crowbar. That's how I'm feeling right now. Who knows, maybe it'll drag out a few days, weeks, or months. I should just say goodbye to a normal night's sleep right now. Anyways, everyone wish me luck, even though you have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm so mysterious!

MONDAY UPDATE: Kick in the balls, ladies and gentleman. Kick in the balls. What else is new?

Friday, September 19, 2008

They're baaaaaaack

The Hoffs kicked off the fall kickball season in winning fashion beating the Bovine Thunder 3-0 to avenge a lost in the spring finale. The Hoffs were lead by Mikey O who scored the winning run as the Hoffs jumped out to a 3-0 after the first inning. combining a dazzling pitching performance by tony AKA "T-bag", and great defense, the Hoffs are set to run the table this season. Stay tuned for mroe updates as the Hoffs battle long-time nemesis Wayne "Mr. Kickball" Romer and Luck of The Irish next week.


It has always fascinated me. What is it really like to be insane, to have a brain that is uncontrollable and unpredictable? I try to imagine it and try to replicate it, but never could possibly understand it. Sometimes I think about getting old and suffering dementia, and it doesn't scare me at all. It's something I want to experience. Does anyone else think this way, or am I alone? 


Can't run to the top of the gurney with a girl named Fannie can you see? Go home and vacate a game of horny toads with a van of girls named Jane and Barry. How long till we have a chance to be what we are and eat what we want and go where we are going to go with a toad and a band of lanced boils. To make sense of anything you must lose a sense of everything. It's late and I can't sleep...

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

So what else is up?

Mikey has a story about me and the wedding. Tell it Mikey! On a seperate note, yet still related to toes, I figure I should tell the world that I have a red big toe nail on my right foot. Thank you all and good night.

So Kevin... What's up?

I'm glad you asked, Mr. Blog! Not much is going on with me. I had lots of fun at the wedding I went to in Vermont last weekend. Got to see all the old friends and blow off some stress with lots of fun and drinking. So what else is new? I lost a toe. My pinky toe on my left foot to be exact. The lesson I learned? Never wear open toe sandals to a hot dog eating contest for squirrels. It's an honest mistake that I won't be making again.

Here you go smart guy:

Monday, September 15, 2008

A Fish Without a Roof

Well, I'm back from the great Northeast. Unfortunately, phishbone has not made it back home yet. It seems it's rather difficult to fly into Houston right now. Anyways, when he eventually does make it back he has promised to take lots of pictures of the damage from hurricane Ike. That damage evidently includes the roof of his and Kris' house. So, stay tuned!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

And now I'm gone

I know I have been neglecting the blog lately, but I have got a lot done at work and in planning my upcoming potential film. Who knew there was so much work in making even a 5 minute movie? It's still definitely fun, though. I may want to do this more often. Anyone want to pay me to do this for a living? Anyways, I'm leaving early tomorrow afternoon to go to a wedding in Vermont. Mikey and phishbone will be there also, so the blog will be even more dead than it has been. When I get back I'll try to make more of an effort to post on a more regular schedule. It looks like I may be starting to work the night leg of a split shift at work, which means less distraction from my coworkers and boredom on my part. That is conducive to more blog posts, but not so much of a happy Kevin. Anyways, everyone have a great week and weekend!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Wanted to share this site.....

It's from T. Boone Pickens.

MMA vs. Boxing

So I've had this debate with a couple of people over the last week, and now I want your response. Which is better, mixed martial arts or boxing?

I think MMA is much more exciting to watch and think boxing is 10 -20 years past its prime. Here are the advantages for MMA
- 3, five-minute rounds. Except for championship matches all fights are 3 rounds. Not 12 long slow rounds like boxing
- Promotes of free tv. But showcasing good young talent on Spike, they have been able to bring name recognition to their fighters from people besides those that fight on PPV
- less dancing. Boxers prance. MMA fighters are always punching, kicking, elbowing, kneeing or working on a submission hold to end a match quickly. Boxers prance for 12 boring rounds.
- White guys. White guys are actually good in MMA. Forrest Griffin, Chuck Liddell, Randy Coutore, Georgre St. Pierre, Matt Hughes are all world champions and white. That never happens in boxing.
- Great fighters actually fight each other. Because the majority of world class fighters are with UFC, you always get the best fighting each other, and there is only 1 recognized world champion as opposed to 3 or 4 in boxing. The last big name fight in boxing was Mayweather - De La Hoya, and they were too old and only fought because they got paid $20 million each.

So since no one else can make a post, at least reply to this one with your thoughts. MMA - 1 Boxing - 0

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Sorry for this blog sucking

Things are really getting crazy down here and I'm spending waaaaay too much time at work. The spare time I have now and in the near future is going to be spent on bigger and cooler things, so I need someone to pick up the slack on the blog. I'll keep doing the battle of the beasts animations, but it'd be cool if you other posters could make like 4 or 5 posts a weeks so that the blog doesn't die. Should I look for another blogger, too? What do y'all think?

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Something to distract you

I'm working on the Crocodile vs. Zombie battle, but in the mean time, here is a flash movie that is more kick ass than anything I can ever make.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Crocodile vs. Zombie

Here's the debate thread for our next competition. It is a crocodile vs. a Romero-style zombie. This should be an easy victory for the croc, in my opinion. Anyone want to debate for the zombie?

UPDATE: The arena for this event is the jungle. Poll up to the right --->

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Grizzly Bear vs. Chimp

Finally, I have finished reconstructing the epic battle between a chimp and a grizzly bear in a Sea World pool. Here you go folks! How many more of these do I have to do?

Friday, August 22, 2008

Kangaroo vs Kangaroo

Dammit. Why didn't we have a kangaroo in our line-up? These things are frigging hilarious. Completely non-lethal, but there's something awesome about watching two kangaroos kick each other in the balls for 15 minutes. This site has a ton of interesting videos of animal fights and misadventures. "Deer vs Race Car" is also hilarious, if a bit grim. Plus, Karate Chimp.

Yay! I'm a scholar!

I just noticed that my first published paper is available online. Here is the abstract. Unfortunately, the full version isn't free, but if anyone actually wants to read it, for some reason, I can email it to you. Hooray for science!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Science Idol is over...

The winner of the "Science Idol" contest we've previously talked about is over. Here is the winning cartoon. If only my scanner didn't crap out, I could have been a contender. Here is the cartoon I made for the contest, but wasn't able to submit:

Sorry DrX, I have seemed to have lost yours. I'll look around a bit more for it and post it when I find it.

Monday, August 18, 2008

I'm back!

I'm finally back from New York. Had a good time, but also had a shitty cold. I'm still a bit run down, so no chimp vs. bear movie tonight. I'll get going on it soon, have no fear. Everyone have a good weekend?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Goodbye my friends!

Phishbone and Kris got into town last night, and we're driving up to New York early tomorrow morning. I won't be back until Monday, so the blog may be dead the rest of the week. When I get back, expect the results of the Chimp vs. Grizzly battle. Everyone have a great rest of the week!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Chimp vs. Grizzly Bear

On to our next contest! Let's try to bang this one out before I leave for Albany on Wednesday. We have a grizzly bear vs. a chimpanzee. The venue for this one will be a Sea World pool! Oooooh, that makes this a little bit questionable. I don't know if I have ever seen a chimp swim, but I know the grizzly bear is a fine swimmer. Unless someone shows me evidence of a swimming chimpanzee, my vote is with the bear.

UPDATE: Poll up on the right --->

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Sorry to distract....

I don't want to take anything away from our latest battle of the beasts contest, but I have to make an unrelated post. I've been watching the Olympics over the weekend, since I have absolutely nothing to do, and I have found my self smitten. Women's Beach volleyball was on, and one of the Chinese teams were playing against Greece. Half of the Chinese team is Xue Chen, who I am now in love with. I don't know if she speaks English, and I don't speak Chinese, but I think it's a relationship that can work. Sure, she's only 19, lives halfway around the world, has no idea who I am and all, but one day she will be mine! Or I'll just forget about this crush during the next event... Anyways, to show you what I mean, here's one of the pics I could find of my little Chinese minx (the one on the right):

Bull vs. Tiger Results

Well, the results are in! See the second epic battle, now with more sound effects!

Poll over!

The tiger leads the voting, and has an 83% chance of beating the bull. I'll try to throw somthing together today, but can't find any good still images of the pit from Army of Darkness. I'll figure something out...

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Funny or NOT FUNNY ?

I have a cute baby story to share, which is NOT funny.

Mia was taking a bath last night, playing with her soap fingerpaints. It's colored liquid soap that kids can smear on the bathtub and paint with, and she loves the stuff. She also loves to stick everything in her mouth these days. You can see where I'm going. Mrs DrX and I are both watching her play, and the Mrs squirts some more yellow paint on her hand. Nearly the entire wad of paint immediately goes in the mouth, like if you had a handful of peanuts and shoved the whole thing in. The kid also has no respect for authority, and will laugh at us when we tell her no. So, of course, as the parents who know what soap tastes like, we naturally look horrified say "no!" and the kid gives us a big shit-eating grin and a little giggle, yellow soap streaming out of her mouth. "I'm sure they make this stuff non-toxic," the Mrs says, reaching for the label. Very slowly, over maybe 20-30 seconds, the grin fades, her eyes start watering, and just as she starts to yell, a large bubble pops out of her mouth. I fucking lost it and started cracking up, while Mrs DrX got the screaming kid out of the bath and attempted to rinse the remaining soap out.

So, am I evil for laughing? Debate.

Tiger vs Bull

Because I found this video, I'm going to start the next competition's discussion, which is probably also a foregone conclusion. Tigers are built to take down animals like a bull, and lucky for us those wacky Chinese have actually already filmed the match for us. Oh, China! When will your atrocities end? You so crazy!

Tiger wins. No question. Unless the bull gets VERY lucky and gores the lion on the charge (there will be only one), the tiger is gonna take it out.

(Couldn't post the video directly, for some reason... Sorry.)

Kevin Note: Poll up to the right ----->

Bunny vs. Polar bear conclusion

OK, while I should be sleeping, I instead illustrated this epic battle.

note: You need the flash player to view that link.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

How do you want to do this?

Should I put up the next poll, or wait until we have the conclusion of our first contest? I was going to put something together over the weekend for the Polar Bear vs. Bunny contest.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Poll Over!

I'm ending the Polar Bear vs. Bunny poll now. The final vote is 5-4 for the Polar Bear, which is much closer than I expected. This is how it's gonna work: Since the bear got 5 out of 9 votes, he has a 56% chance of winning this battle. I will use a random number generator to determine the final winner, and do something that I haven't yet decided on to illustrate this.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Polar Bear vs. Bunny

This is the official debate thread for the Polar Bear vs. Bunny battle. As determined by a random number generator, this fight will take place in the Roman Coliseum. Say who you think will win and why in the comments.

I have put up a poll for you all to vote on the winner. Vote to your right ----->

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Another contestant?

Maybe in the first round of our tournament we should have pitted the monkey versus Charlie Chaplin...

Friday, August 1, 2008

The Tourney is on!

The seeding is complete for the battle of the century. Scroll down to the bottom of the main page on the blog to see our first round bracket. Results and animations to follow!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Now it's Thursday!

And you know what that means? That's right, it's the depression day of the week! You're all going to die alone and unloved! You'll never fit in! There is nothing at all special about you and you'll make no impact on the world! Yay! You're a loser!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

It's Tuesday!

You know what that means? Time to light your pants on fire and run through a hospital screaming about your fire crotch! Oh, man, Tuesdays never get old.

Monday, July 28, 2008

If it were 1932, my post would look like this:

That Herbert Hoover is a big fat head. Did you know his parents were Quakers? I don't know about that. He might spend all our taxpayer money on oatmeal. I hate Herbert Hoover.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Your Weekend Ben Stein

I know it just makes everyone's weekend so much more entertaining when Ben Stein is comparing someone to a Nazi, so hear you go:

Friday, July 25, 2008

Time to share!

This has been something I have been meeting to do for a while. I want to share a couple websites I read regularly and for y'all to do the same in the comments. Just let everyone know what on the interwebs entertains you, other than this blog. Here are my choices:

Dinosaur Comics - Best daily comic I've ever read.

JREF - James Randi Educational Foundation puts out a weekly newsletter filled with all the latest on flim flam and psuedoscience.

The Skeptics Guide to the Universe - A weekly podcast put out by the New England Skeptical Society. It's consistantly amusing and well worth listening to.

Well, there is a comic, newsletter and podcast. I have a bunch more I can recommend, but now it's everyone else's turn. Link your favorite websites in the comments.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

This is what happens when you talk too much about cycling on BFB

Kris wanted me to post some pictures of her bicycle injuries, so here they are. Note: not sure what body parts these are but I'll take a best guess.....

First off she hurt her arm, as you can see from the gash here, but more importantly, yes, that is her nippleless breast implant in the background. Long story, but main point is when she got the implants the doctor held her nipples out for more money, and since we are starving students, "no dice" was the verdict.

The main thing she hurt was her penis. Here she is showing off her ability to get it near her mouth.

Here it is again just dangling and lookin hot.

So that's it! Hope you enjoyed the pics and let this be a lesson to never ride a bike.....NEVER!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

My Review

As requested by DrX, I'm gonna review the game Age of Conan. So, please, avert your eyes if you'd rather not see my decent into geekdom. Here's the description from the website:

Age of Conan: Hyborian Adventures is a massively-multiplayer online roleplaying game (MMORPG) based on the world and works of acclaimed author Robert E. Howard. In Age of Conan, players enter Hyboria with thousands of their friends and enemies to live, fight, and explore the dark and brutal world of King Conan.

I've been playing this game off and on for just over a month. Now, I have a short attention span, so I'm not one to play the same game long periods of time. I'm what you call a casual gamer. Anyways, this is a pretty good game. What sets it apart from other games is the combat system, very graphic violence and adult themes. The combat system is definitely the most fun thing about the game. There are three keys that you use to control the direction of your attack, and most classes have certain combos that require a specific order of keystrokes, unleashing a spectacular attack. When you kill your opponent with one of these combos there is a chance you will commit a fatality move, such as lopping off their head, lighting them on fire, hacking off both arms, snapping their neck with your bare hands, or ripping out their heart and eating it. Yeah, it's as fucking great as it sounds. Even still, I find myself giggling with glee when I hack apart my enemy in a shower of blood and guts.

The graphics of this game are spectacular, but requires a pretty beefy computer to run well. The world you wander around in is absolutely beautiful. It is definitely the best looking PC game I've played.

Ok, now some of the issues. This is still a very young game, as it just came online in May. One of the things that drew me to this game was the promise of giant PVP battles for battle keeps built by powerful guilds. Well, I'm still waiting for this. It takes a while to form a guild and rise to prominence, as I only know of one server that actually has a keep built. There are many guild towns, but the gathering of resources is monotonous and a long process. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing.

Also, as of right now, PVP fighting isn't very balanced. I haven't messed around with this too much, but the talk is that the priest classes are too strong and dominate. This is a normal problem, and the game is still in its infancy. One very good thing is that the folks at Funcom are constantly making pretty elaborate patches several times a month.

So, to sum up, this is a young game and has its issues, but is still a lot of fun. As time goes on, the gaming experience is only going to improve, as continuous patches come out, and the guilds get stronger and start battling more. So, if your interested, I'm on the server Thog, and you should join up and make me your friend so we can kill things together. That's all I got folks. I'll stop being a nerd now.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Criminals are ironic

Great T-Shirts to wear while being arrested...

Age of Conan?

Hey, Kev. Are you still playing AoC? If so, you've had some time to play now. How is it? Review, please.

Best. Script. Ever.

Batman: The Dark Knight, as imagined by Michael Bay.

Secret of Comedy #2

Today I continue our lesson on comedy. The second method to elicit laughter is:

Pop Culture References

This is an easy one. The important thing here is to know your audience and then just constantly make reference to things they like. It doesn't at all have to be done in a funny or satirical way, just the reference alone is now considered comedy. People see/hear this reference to pop culture people/things/quotes and they say, "hey I know that! hahahahahaha!". Evidentially, the older the reference, the funnier it is. For examples see The Family Guy, Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg.

Siena Hoops

I know some of you (Kev the great) aren't big fans of ESPN, but they have a new rankings of teh top 300 men's college basketball programs since the 1984-1985 season.

Siena is actually ranked 69th (haha another funny joke that should go in your comedy piece is any sentence with the word 69) over that span. Pretty good considering we've only won 3 tournament games (if you consider the play-in game), and been to the tourney 2 other times I believe. We are even ranked over former final four participants George Mason and Providence. Go Saints!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Secret of comedy #1

I've decided to give you all lessons on comedy by telling you what is funny. So, the first thing that belongs on the list:

Fart Jokes

The rule of thumb here is that any situation is funny if someone farts, or a random fart sound is added in editing. So, let's say you have a comedy film and when you screen it, nobody is laughing. What do you do? Add fart noises to every scene. People will be rolling in the aisles laughing. You can take this lesson into your everyday life, too. Looking for some quick chuckles in the next board meeting? You now know what to do.

Sunday, July 20, 2008


Another day, another birthday. This time it is our very own Mikey O. Other birthdays for the 21st of July:

Ernest Hemingway
Don Knotts
Janet Reno
Cat Stevens
Robin Williams
Jon Lovitz
Josh Hartnett

So, happy birthday to Mikey and all the others on this list. Especially Belgium, because I like their waffles.

Let's drink

So I just got a call from my buddy at 2 and. and he is drunk and wants some dough-boy's. Not Really sure what to type but I hope you like it. Andersin Silvia kicked the sandman's ass in less than 1 minute. Boxing is ok but UFC is where its at

Friday, July 18, 2008

This is great!

Hey DrX, have you seen this? Joss Whedon has made a musical web series with Neil Patrick Harris as a fledging super villain. It's spectacular! You all should watch it. IT is only up until Sunday, so go watch it NOW!

Be my friend!

Anyone subscribed to Netflix? If not, I highly recommend it. I've been a member for years and I owe my extensive film knowledge to my subscription. Anyways, there is a friend option on the webpage where you can add other members as a friend and see their ratings of movies, as well as leave suggestions and notes to each other. Fish and I have been playing around with it a bit and it's pretty cool. So, if you belong to Netflix, make me your friend by clicking this.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Watchmen trailer

I know Kev says he didn't really like it much, but Watchmen is possibly my favorite fiction book of all time, and it looks like the movie actually has a shot of being decent, based on the trailer. Fingers are crossed on this one.

Happy Birthday Mia!

Am I a day late? It's the first birthday, so I get to be wrong this time, right? Man, I'm a horrible uncle. Anyways, whether it is today or was yesterday, Happy Birthday to my niece! It's not like she can read this anyways, I guess. Anyways, your present is on the way. It's just a little late. Wow, Mummy Hitler would probably make a better uncle than I am...

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The little man in my head

What the fuck? Am I quiting sugar or heroin? I haven't had sugar in a couple days now, and everything was going fine, but today I have a splitting headache. What I believe is the problem, is that there is a tiny little person living behind my left eyeball and when he doesn't get his sugar fix for the day he jabs me in the back of the eye with a fork and slams on my bone with a sledgehammer. Crazy tiny little man! Don't you know violence doesn't solve any problems?

Which of these Bon Jovi fans were actually at the concert?

My bet is that the answer is not #3... Anyway, I wasn't even there and I posted pictures. What the hell is wrong with you Mikey?

Monday, July 14, 2008

Living on a Prayer

Well I did it. I finally saw the man whose air guitar skills I have been mimmicking for years, Jon Bon Jovi this past Saturday in Central Park. JBJ (as I call him) opened with Living on a Pryer and went right into Shot Through the Heart. Good openeing, but a little sad that he played my song so early. I did learn that JBJ does have a move I need to incorporate into my routine. Appraently he is a big fan of the "arms spread out and clap above your head" to get the crowd excited. Be on the look out for this move at my next performance (which if Dutch has his camera phone on him, may end up on YouTube).

The show was about 2.5 hours and was a fun time as long as you were open to seeing Bon Jovi. The lines were small and we were allowed to bring in our own drinks (which is why I don't remember the whole show haha). The place was packed, but there were two huge LCD screen to watch JBJ shake his money maker.

Overall on a scale of 1 - 10, I give the show an 8. It was straight off of the studio albums, but the fact that the show was in Central Park, and my first and only JBJ show, helped bring it up a couple of notches.

Well that's my review. Now that Kev has allowed me to post again, look for future posts. Have a nice day!

Things I really don't have a problem with

One thing I really don't have a problem with, that many people do, is strippers. I really don't see the big deal. There is nothing wrong with women showing off their bodies for money, as long as they have free choice in the matter. Let's face it, at least in this country, nobody is forced into being a stripper. If a woman needs money there are many other jobs out there they can take, though they may not pay as well. Also, people liken stripping to prostitution. This is ridiculous. Simulated sex is not the same as sex. If it were, then we would have to call any actor or actress that has ever been in a sex scene a porn star. Now, if you want to call a porn actor/actress a prostitute, then you have a case. It is sex for money, after all. Anyways, there really is nothing wrong with strippers, in my opinion, as I have never heard a convincing case for it being so. Feel free to try and change my mind in the comments.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

RIP Bobby Murcer

Just wanted to express condolences to the family of Bobby Murcer. He was a good Yankee and the only one to play with both Mickey Mantle and Don Mattingly.

Friday, July 11, 2008

I'm chubby

No more sweet tea and soda for me! I'm getting fat, so I'm gonna stop eating and drinking sugar. That is really all I have for today. Sorry.... Things just aren't exciting in North Carolina as everyone thinks. I haven't been raped by a single backwoods bootlegger.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Should we go into this again?

I know that we have had this discussion before, but the classic movie remake has once again reared its ugly head. This time it is The Day the Earth Stood Still. It is also with Keanu Reeves as Klaatu. I'm going to hold off judgement on this movie, for now. I think that the original The Day The Earth Stood Still could definitely be reimagined into a solid movie, and maybe that's what has happened. We will see. However, if it sucks, I'm just going to let you all know I will be bitching about it for several weeks. Anyone else have an opinion on this? At least Jennifer Connelly is in it.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

This is where I finally post something

I guess I should make a post about my birthday vacation of the past few days, as to fill you all in on my exciting exploits. I arrived in Albany Wednesday afternoon, picked up a rental car and went to visit the parents. I arrived and all the doors to the house were locked and the lights suddenly turned themselves off when I knocked. They must have been on a time delay or something. I decided to wait around for them, but then the cops came and told me that someone called saying that I was harassing people and had to leave or be arrested. So, I slept in my car that night in a Walmart parking lot, but it was ok, because the next day was my birthday!

I woke up in the morning to a homeless man knocking on the window, looking for change. I told him it was my birthday and I'd take him out for breakfast, but he said he had better things to do, and just needed bus fare to get to a doctor's appointment. I offered him a ride there, and to wait for him while he was with the doctor, and then we could hang out or something for my birthday. He must have been afraid to ride in cars or something, because he swore and stomped off, mumbling under his breath.

Anyways, it was my birthday and time to have some fun with all my friends. Unfortunately, there must have been something wrong with my cell phone, and the 5 pay phones I tried using, because nobody I called would answer. I left a bunch of messages for people, and decided to get started and wait for people to meet me out. As any good birthday starts out, I went to church to pray for a good and unsinful day. While praying I decided to tell Jesus about my plane ride and why I don't like coconut and that time I saw a squirrel chasing a dog, and just when I was going to go into my thoughts on tacky carpeting, Jesus suddenly appeared before me! I was amazed! There he was, the son of God standing in front of me! He looked at me and shook his head from side to side and said, "Hey Kevin. Look, I love you and all, I am Jesus after all, but I'm just not in love with you. You know? Maybe you should start talking to other deities out there. I hear Buddha is a good listener. Or maybe you could become an atheist or something? Anyways, just give it a rest a while, I have important things to do, you know?"

That Jesus sure has a good sense of humor, joking around like that with me. I asked him if he wanted to go grab a beer or something for my b'day, but he just swore and stomped off, muttering under his breath. So, anyways, I spent my birthday at the rollerskating rink, waiting for my friends. I don't like to roller skate or anything, but my friends have mentioned it, so I figured they would enjoy it. They must have been really busy, though, because nobody showed up. Well, there's always next year guys!

Happy Birthday!

Let me fight through the back end of a two day hangover to wish frequent reader/commentator/sister-in-law Megan a happy belated birthday. I hope you had a great day and had lots of fun!

Monday, July 7, 2008

I'm back

I'm tired, I'm hungover, my plane home was delayed by 3 hours, but I'm now back in North Carolina. I have some stuff to post, but it'll have to wait until I'm not so close to death. Hope everyone had a good 4th of July weekend.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

I'm gone in under 12 hours

For the rest of the week I'll be in Albany, and probably not posting. Hope everyone has a great 4th of July weekend! Fish and DrX will hopefully keep y'all entertained while I am gone. Yaaaahooooo! Vacation!

No State for Old Men.....

Okay, so I know I have mentioned this in person to some close friends already, but I just wanted to update everyone on our local "hero", Joe Horn. Apparently, he has been cleared of any criminal wrongdoing for shooting (and killing) two unarmed illegals in the back during a robbery of his neighbor's house. Apparently, he feared for his life as the two men cut a corner of his front lawn to get to their car and leave, thus provoking a beautifully placed 911 call to create this situation. What is really aces is the "You wanna bet" quote. I love it!! So what do you think? Was he right or wrong? I would make a vote box, but I don't think I have the permissions.

Kev's Birthday

Hey, Mom wants to know what you want for your birthday. Instead of asking you, let's see what our readers think you want. I'll forward the best ideas on to Mom.

One day left!

I am excited. I could barely sleep last night! My vacation starts tomorrow, and my b'day is the day after! Yay! I just have to get through this last day of work. It feels like the last day of school before summer vacation right now, except I have a ton of stuff to do. That won't stop me from blogging! I'm a horrible employee... I say that, not because I spend work time blogging, rather, because every morning I urinate in the coffee pot. Take that surprisingly pleasant and likeable coworkers! Of course I'm kidding, everyone knows I collect my urine and sell it as lemon flavored Powerade at little league baseball games. I'm not going to be wasting my pure gold urine on my coworkers. Anyways, back to work.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Microsoft actually makes a funny video?

I think so. Judge for yourself:


I watched the movie Diary of the Dead last night. Now, I wasn't expecting too much from this film, so it was enjoyable, when it wasn't annoying. It's still Romero, after all. Anyways, it takes place during the initial outbreaks of the dead starting to rise and has a bunch of college kids trying to get home and survive. This got me thinking, where would be the best place to go if the dead were coming to life and eating everyone? You'd probably want to go somewhere without many people to avoid the huge mobs of dead people. But, you'd still need access to food and supplies, so you wouldn't want to be too far away from civilization.

So, here's my question to y'all: If the dead start to rise and feast on the living, where are you going to go?

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Vacation is near

In a short 4 days I will be heading to Albany for my birthday celebration. The question is, what should I do for my birthday? All I know is that I am going to buy a squirrel costume and pretend I am in town for a Furry Convention. I figure this will get me plenty of free drinks, since people love creepy guys in animal costumes! My plan is flawless. I'm going to also buy a giant inflatable acorn, and a giant plastic toothbrush to complete the costume. I will dance the whole day and play lovely sonnets on a ukulele while being showered with praise and flowers by all of Albany's peasants. I am a man of the people!

Friday, June 27, 2008

The Man

Yes, Neil deGrasse Tyson has earned the title of "The Man" from me.

Contest over

Alright, two rounds is more than long enough to drag this thing out. It's now up to the three founding members of this blog to decide on a winner. DrX and phishbone, do either of you think any of the posters in this contest are worth keeping? I'm just letting you know, I'm keeping Mummy Hitler. He won't post much, but he's got a good shtick. You guys want to keep any of the others?

Thursday, June 26, 2008



I am Mikey. It's 11:50 p.m. on Thursday June 26th and I have 9 minutes to make my post. I've worked the last 2 days, and tonight I played kickball. We lost 15-0 to the best team in the league in the playoffs. I have to make a post tonight in order to stay in this contest. It has come down to me, Kev (whoops, I mean mummy hitler), and Kris. I am drunk and don't feel creative. However, I am a fun time. I am not going to post a great story, but rather I am going to rely on my previous posts, and my future amazing posts to get your vote. I ask you:

Do you really want Me, Kris or Kev (uhhh I mean Mummy Hitler)) to be your new blogger??? I am hoping your mind speaks true, and you vote Mikey. Otherwise you can continue to read about exciting bike stories.

P.S. I made out with a smoking hot 20 year old tonight. To hear more, vote Mikey O-O-OOOO

Mummy Hitler's Movie Reveiw

Hello boys and girls! It's me, Mummy Hitler, back with more fun and infotainment. For the second round of this blogging contest, I have decided to watch a moving picture and give you all my review. I have participated in a few films in my past, and figure this insiders look would help you all decide how to spend your free time. God knows, watching movies leads to many less troubles than invading Poland... So here it goes!

Now, I went to a local movie rental place to choose a film reel to rent. Boy, was I shocked to find out that the talkies are now on what are called DVDs! Imagine, a movie on a small round record type thing! And they are in color! Look, I'm old! I have been dead for over 60 years, so I don't know these things! This shtick will never not be funny! Anyways, after browsing around the store for a while, I decided on the film: Ballistic: Ecks vs. Server. I chose this movie because I am, in fact, very interested in ballistics and thought I would see what the 21st century held in this field. Seeing as how I had no way to watch the film that is stored on this DVD, I had to go over to Mummy Lincoln's cabin. He's all into this, what he calls, "tech revolution". Ah, he's a dick, but I need him for his toys. Anyways, I watched this film, and I must say, I now see just how wrong I was to send the Jews and social miscreants to concentration camps. I see now that the real evil in this world is the completely asinine fuckwads that make films like this. Those are the people I should have focused on killing! Fuck, if only I killed the parents of the makers of this movie before they could procreate, I would have left the world a better place.

That's my review! I hope you all enjoyed it! And remember, everything was better in the 1930s! Everything! Even the exclamation points!

Texas Rant

Since moving to Houston, Texas almost two years ago I have gone through many emotions concerning this fucking city. At first there was absolute hatred for the trash, poor air quality, over crowding, lack of zoning, encouraging of illegal immigrants, heat, humidity, worst drivers ever, cockroaches the size of school buses and various other things I can't think of at this moment. Then winter came and when everyone else I knew was suffering through cold, dreary weather it was 65 degrees F and sunny down here. Then I made friends and joined a cycling club and things looked slightly less horrid. Now that it is summer again (and I just got my first $400 electricity bill) Houston is again on my shit list. To add to the typical summer woes of Houston, I have an new complaint. The police in this town are the worst cops I have EVER seen.

Three weeks ago I was in my car stopped at a stop light when someone rear ended me. We pulled off to the side of the road and, not knowing the current price of car repairs, I called the police so someone could come out and we could file an accident report. On the phone I was then informed that the police in Houston don't come out to accident scenes if both cars are drivable, regardless of what the damage amount might be. They said that both parties HAD to come in to the police station and file a report within 24 hours if the damage was over $1000. (In every other state I have lived in you have to file a police report if the damage is over $500). I asked the police officer on the phone if both parties had to come in together and he said no. Then I asked what happened if only one party filed a police report and the other didn't. He said he didn't know.

So, being a good, responsible person I collected the other driver's information (including what looked like a valid insurance policy) and went directly to the police station to file a report. When I walked in the door I told the officer at the desk that I needed to file an accident report and he handed me a blue form, told me to fill it out within 10 days, and send it to the state police headquarters in Austin. That was it.

Immediately, when I got home, I called the driver's insurance company to file a claim. I set up an estimate for that afternoon so that I could get the ball rolling. Later that afternoon I had an estimate done on my car and the estimate was under $500 so I was unable to file an accident report. I say unable because the blue form clearly states that you are to ONLY file an accident report if the damage is over $1000.

It has now been three weeks since the accident and I have not been able to have my car fixed. The reason why I have not been able to have my car fixed is that 1) The insurance company claims they have been unable to contact the driver and 2) The insurance company said that the driver may have been uninsured at the time of the accident. I asked the insurance company how she could have been uninsured. What they said is that she hadn't paid her premiums yet. So despite having an insurance card saying her policy was valid through Sept. 2008, it turns out that she didn't have insurance, which is illegal.

I decided to call the police and let them know that I had been in an accident with an apparently uninsured driver. I told them I had all of her information and asked if I needed to report the accident. In talking with the police I was informed that it was common practice to get an insurance card, then not pay the premiums, and that as long as the driver had an insurance card that stated they had insurance it didn't really matter if it was valid or not.

This is such utter and complete bullshit. I now know why my insurance premiums are over twice what they were in Kansas for less than 1/3 the coverage. It is because the police don't seem to actually care about enforcing traffic laws, or for that matter immigration laws because the majority of the uninsured drivers are illegal.


PS The Tour de France starts July 5th with the first stage leaving from Brest!!!

For the Avid Siena Enthusiast

His plan really worked out.....

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


As voting continues, we have a close race. Mummy Hitler currently has the lead over Kris and Mikey, and BG brings up the rear with zero votes. Evidentally, even BG hasn't voted for himself. I'm going to take down the poll today instead of Thursday because I'm very impatient, and hate following rules, even when I set them myself. As it looks now, BG is going to be booted after the first round. Round 2 will begin Thursday morning. Seeing as the point of this contest is to find someone to cover for me when I can't post, I am going to make round 2 a speed round! You have until 11:59PM on Thursday to make a post about anything you want.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

A science oath?

Sorry to diverge from the current Bacontroversy, but I saw this blog post about a scientific version of the Hippocratic oath, which students at the University of Toronto are compelled to take, and since a few BFBers are scientists, wondered what we think. Does science need an oath? Is scientific misconduct a really big problem, and will taking an oath help reduce or eliminate it?

And more important, does our blog need an oath?

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Finally we can vote

All 4 contestants have now made a post, so it's time to vote! On the right side of the front page is a poll where you can vote for your favorite poster. The poll will remain open until Thursday night, so that we can fit in the next round over the weekend. Good luck to all!

Don't bring a bike to a car fight

In North Carolina this year a group of cyclists was passed by a vehicle. This vehicle proceeded to pull into the cyclists path and stop. When the driver got out he started waiving a gun and stating that he would kill them all, bury them on the side of the road and they would never be missed. Kev, I mean the driver, got back into his vehicle and drove off without actually following up on his statements.
I don't know if it is an increase in sensitivity to the topic, or an increase in the number of incidents, but this year I have heard about more cyclists getting hit or harrassed by cars. In California this year a sheriff's deputy pulled into three cyclists riding on a should on the other side of the road. Two of the three were killed. In the past two weeks I have heard of three different incidents involving cyclists getting hit by cars who failed to follow basic traffic laws in regard to the interaction of cars and bicycles. With the increase in gas prices more and more people are riding bikes instead of driving cars. I think this is great, but there needs to be an increase in awareness that not only do cyclists have legal right to be on the road (some drivers are not aware of this), but that drivers need to be on the lookout for cyclists.
I know first hand the dangers of drivers not being alert to the presense of cyclists. In February of this year, my mom and I were riding on a road in Texas. We were obeying all the laws of the roads and were preparing to make a left hand turn. After to checking to see that the left lane was clear and signaling, we changed lanes. By the time my mom changed lanes, a driver who was driving too fast came around a corner and hit my mom. He said that she had pulled in front of her, but I know that she had been in the lane before he reached the point she was at. I think the true issue was that he was not looking for a cyclist on the road and didn't expect her to be there. My mom is now okay, but it is terrifying to see your mother life flighted to a hospital due to head trama.
As drivers out on the roads we need to be aware that cyclists are out there and when they tangle with cars, no matter who is at fault, the cyclist usually ends up seriously injured. So please watch out for cyclists while you are driving because they have equal rights to the road.
At least in Texas we have concealed carry so I just pull my Walther PPK out when I feel like a car is encroaching on my personal space.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Seeing how the porn route did not win I have found the only way to completely dominate this contest.

Fish, I hope you get as good a chuckle out of this.

An afternoon with Mikey

Mikey's back, back again. Mikey's who's back, tell a friend.

Yes thank you, thank you. I know you've all missed my sometimes zany sometimes blog provoking posts. I've missed you all as well. Now that Latroy Hawkins has started sucking less, my powers have been restored. Onto my post...

...Everyone once in a while when I have nothing to do on a Saturday afternoon and pull out my 1 ft tobacco pipe, pack it full with some of that stickky ikkky tobacco and let it rip. Then I find some reason why I have to walk into town. I mean, who wants to sit inside when its so beautiful out??? So today I had to run (walk) to the bank and CVS, So on I went...

...After walking about a mile I arrived at the bank with my mission. Deposit 4 checks into someone else's account. Surprising the mission went extremely successful. But then a snag. I reach into my wallet and ask her for 20 singles for a $20.

Now have a magic dragon moment with me here and completely change subject. This poor little 18 year old teller thinks some creepy older guy is getting 20 singles to go to the strip club. But in actuality I am going to Lebanon Valley tonight and they only take singles for food and drinks.

So after the weird look she gives me my change and as I turn around their is my aunt! And I hate my aunt! So I just walked right by her and left. That's when I remembered I don't live in Albany anymore. I live near my family. Gotta be more careful. I ran into my grandparents at A&P one afternoon. Not in the best mental frame, but they are 86 and don't notice anyway. I love my grandparents, they rock!

Next I went to CVS to get Nicorette since I am quitting smoking (7 days and going strong) and the girl goes to grab it and she's on crutches. The package falls on the floor and she has to balance her 1 cruth and try to pick it up without falling over. I felt so horrible. But finally I am home and safe.

Next week I am going to a high school graduation party for 2 of my friends sisters followed by a night out in Poughkeepsie for real women's roller derby. Vote for Mikey to read more adventures next week.


I am a little green on this whole blog thing but I figure coming up with something interesting can't be all that hard seeing as all I do is get up and go to work and come home and go to bed.

So, I was surfing the internet and found this site called which I figure would come in handy for everybody in certain times. It is great and lets you search by name for all of your favorites. I know this is kind of cheap in the view that it is all about naked chicks and their movie scenes but I had to really bring down the gayness around here from that bicycle dudes ass.

I also just found out that if you go to google maps and punch in your address you can get a street view picture of your own house. It is kind of freaky when you first start using it however, I now find myself looking around for naked people and prostitutes all over the place. If only I knew where there was a nude beach cause this could come in really handy.

Since Kev stated this is a popularity contest I figure that a guy that is the mumified remains of a gay nazi trying to take over the world while hiding the fact he was gay would win. After all I believe he already has Kev's vote just on name recognition alone plus the fact that he sleeps with Satan on South Park.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

I will be the first

I will be the first poster in this sad little contest. I am first, as I deserve to be. Now, where do I start? As you have likely deduced from my name, I am in fact the mummified remains of The Fuhrer. You see, when the damned Russians were closing in on me at the end of the war I took a secret tunnel out of the city and escaped to Egypt. Unfortunately during the trip I was mortally wounded in a horrible tea party accident. By the time I got to the infernal deserts of the Middle East, I was near death. My doctor only gave me days to live, but a strange indigenous man came to me with the offer of immortality. He would make me a mummy and I would be sealed in a tomb, only to rise again and rejoin the living for eternity! So, here I am. It's been about 60 years since I last walked the Earth and I find things to be very strange.

If you allow me to, I would like to share the everyday experiences of a former great dictator as he tries to acclimate himself into a society from which he has been absent for more than a half century. Now, I know you all may be wary to let someone who is responsible for the extermination of millions of innocent men women and children post on your precious blog, but don't we all have some skeletons in our closet? None of us are perfect. I am trying to better myself. I am seeing a psychiatrist regularly and am working through some of my issues. His name is Dr. Feingold. That's right, he's a Jew, and I haven't even tried to have him killed yet! I am growing! Sure, I still am struck by the occasional murderous rage, but I'm a mummy! It's normal! Also, I am filled with hate for everything around me but I'm Hitler! You can't expect me to change overnight, can you? Besides, there is so much to hate in this world, all I ask is for you to let me share it with you. Well, I will stop taking up your time. Just please vote for me so that I may continue to post in the future. And if you don't, I will find you and I will crush you in my heavily bandaged hands! I will spill your blood upon your just cleaned carpet and shit on your bed! You are all dirty, filthy vermin which I will exterminate if you cross me! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

I kid! I kid! Really, I'm over that kind of irrational hatred.

Just don't push me...