Monday, March 31, 2008

Terrorists Animals

If only we could kill human terrorists as easily as we destroy huge mutant animal terrorists.

Battle of the century!!!

Bears vs. Monkeys.... ON BIKES!!!!!

Adventures at DMV...

I have to go get my NC license tomorrow and am not looking forward to it. I hate the DMV and everything it stands for. There should be a national drivers license. It's not like the traffic laws are all that different from state to state. In fact, I just skimmed over the NC drivers manual and couldn't find a single law different from NY. Why do I have to get a different license, then? It's all the friggin same. Hammer-Bot's list just keeps getting longer and longer.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

2nd Gen. Hammer-bot

I figured my first Hammer-bot might need some help crushing all of my enemies, so I decided to make another:

The thing is, this Hammer-Bot is pretty much just a giant metal pussy. When he approaches my enemies he just yells out "DANGER! DANGER!" and kind of flails his arms around randomly. What a dumb Hammer-Bot. It's quite ridiculous, isn't it? Who wants a Hammer-Bot that let's my enemies know it's coming and then can't even swing its hammer in a controlled, accurate way? Maybe I'll teach it to serve me tea...


I decided to show you all my original model Hammer-bot. You know, the robot that will crush my enemies. Well, here is an artistic interpretation of my first edition Robo-hammerer:


Keep it up, you crazy fuckers!

The Blog-O-Cuss Meter - Do you cuss a lot in your blog or website?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Saturday Night...

Here's some mood music for this boring Saturday night.

Crush the Losers!

I think that people who disagree with me are wrong and should be crushed. I prefer to use a hammer, but it sometimes gets me in trouble, and there are more problems in the world than time for one man to hit them with hammers. What is a boy to do? I decided to make a hammering robot that will take on my enemies for me. The problem is that my robot has an inclination for striking children. It must be a bug in his hate code, but I'm too lazy to sort through it all to find the problem. So, my question is, is it really a bad thing to club a couple kids on the head with a hammer if it means also bashing all of your enemies? I say no.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Horrible day

Today was elephant day at work. It was the day that everyone bought in an elephant to follow them around all day and help out. This turned out to be a terrible idea. The elephants wouldn't even fit in any of the doors to get into the building, so they just wandered around outside all day. Then they started drinking beer and fighting, and one stepped on a motorcycle. It was pretty bad. I think one of them stole the change out of my car, too. Damned elephants. I don't think we'll have another elephant day.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Soap boy

The bar of soap cried out to me:
Inside, it said, was trapped a boy.
I grabbed a knife and carved away,
Until a soapy youth remained.
He opened his eyes,
And started to cry,
So I threw him into a river.

There's my poem for this year, a couple days before poetry month. Hope you enjoyed.

No more Jericho

Probably none of you watched the show Jericho, but I am sad that it is now done. It got shitty ratings from the start, but was one of my favorites. I've always been fascinated by stories taking place post-apocalypse. So much so, that I want to make a post-apocalyptic film. I'm gonna start writing a script. Any good ideas for a story?

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

A rose by any other name...

So I was catching up on my Buffalo Bills offseason yesterday and noticed that we picked up Kawika Mitchell from the NY Giants. I must say that I am kind of liking this one. However, I'm not so impressed by another guy they picked up. A man that goes by the name William James. I mean who is this guy?? I did some digging and found out that he is actually an ex-Giant named Will Peterson that used to suck horribly. Then he changed his name hoping no one would know, but the people in Philly noticed that he sucked in a strikingly similar way to a guy named Peterson they used to play against. So now he has infiltrated the Bills locker rooms. I have come to believe that the Giants are highly afraid of the Bills and are resorting to sending covert spies to undermine our machine. Down with the evil empire!! Go Bills!

A Late Happy Easter

I forgot to wish everyone a happy Easter! So to make it up to y'all, here's Jesus pissing on a cop car:

I'm still (barely) alive

Sorry for the lack of substantive posts for about the past week. You can understand how exciting it was to root for my small college in the NCAA tournament, and there was much revelry. I will soon return to posting the insightful and somber commentaries with which you are accustomed. But for today, I still have a residual hangover, so you may have to wait for my recovery. In the mean time, try not to cry.

Sunday, March 23, 2008


Siena played awful and missed a lot of free throws and open shots and lost in the second round of the NCAA tournament to Villonova by 12. We are still a young team, though, so look out for us next year. Vengeance shall be ours!!!!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Bring it on 'Nova!

Siena has advanced to the second round of the NCAA tournament for the second time in school history after an absolute drubbing of the Vanderbilt University. They play at noon on Sunday against Villanova, so watch it and cheer! Go Saints!

Friday, March 21, 2008

What I hate about Vanderbilt #3

Today's the day! At 7:10 tonight the game of the century will finally be upon us. Siena vs. Vanderbilt in the first round of the NCAA tournament. So, for my final edition of "What I hate about Vanderbilt" I today state that I hate Vanderbilt because they have too many trees on campus. That's right. Too many trees. Are you a college campus or a tree farm? Yeah, I know pretty much nothing about Vanderbilt, so I've resorted to judging it and hating it based on a few pictures on it's website. Anyways, Vanderbilt has too many trees on campus, therefor they will lose to Siena tonight.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

What I hate about Vanderbilt #3

You're in a fucking football conference.

In case you were thinking of buying this crap....

Another institution that believes the world is full of idiots, and a lot of people prove them right.

We all know how long rechargeable batteries actually last. You might as well just buy a cheaper, non-(Cr)Apple new phone with the same capabilities every year. They are out there, and it would still be cheaper and make you feel less of an idiot.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

What I hate about Vanderbilt #2

Yesterday I mentioned that Vanderbilt University's mascot is it's founder, Cornelius Vanderbilt. What I didn't mention is the second thing I hate about Vanderbilt: The founder of the school never even visited it. That's right, Cornelius Vanderbilt donated $1mil to found the school, but never bothered to visit it. He never even set foot in the state of Tennessee his whole life. It sounds, to me, like Vanderbilt University has some daddy issues. They try to get attention and love from their daddy by naming the college and the mascot after him, but they were still ignored. That's so sad. And that is why Vanderbilt will lose to Siena on Friday.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Something I hate about Vanderbilt #1

Siena College will be playing Vanderbilt University in the first round of the NCAA tournament on Friday, and up until then I will post something new, each day, that I hate about Vanderbilt. Today, what I hate most about Vanderbilt is their mascot: From their webpage:

Vanderbilt's mascot, "Mr. C," is named for Commodore Cornelius Vanderbilt, who founded Vanderbilt University in 1873.

So their mascot is Cornelius Vanderbilt? Really? That's the best they could do? Their founder is their mascot. That's just really lazy. That's a mascot that will strike fear in who? 19th century railroad laborers? Oh no! It's Cornelius Vanderbilt! Run away! He's old and rich and dead for about 130 years! I'm scared, hold me! And it's not even like it is a good mascot for the kiddies. A 200 year old robber-baron isn't exactly cuddly and fun. In other words Vanderbilt's mascot is lame and I hate it, therefore they will lose to Siena on Friday night.

The wool has been pulled.

I don't know who the NCAA basketball selection committee thinks is watching basketball, but it is obvious that someone there thinks we are idiots. I mean, how does the Sun Belt Conference get an at large bid???? Is this armageddon? Is evil Jesus going to show up at the games and erase our entire existence, thus making the selections pointless anyway? Someone please let me know how South Alabama got in without even being in their conference championship? They have one good win and a whole lotta nothing. I know teams that did not get in but still beat multiple high caliber teams like Georgetown and Marquette. WTF????

Sunday, March 16, 2008

A terrorist in our midsts?

It has come to my attention that a regular reader/commenter on this blog has been trying to sneak giant knives onto airplanes. Now I'm not sure of the nefarious purposes of this act, but let me make this clear: This blog does not condone terrorism! You hear that, Mr. Cheney? Now stop tapping my phone lines and going through my mail! DAMN YOU JARAGE!!!!!

Friday, March 14, 2008

I have too many hobbies...

Kevin's hobbies:

1. Film! I have over 100 movies in my Netflix queue to watch. This takes up a good portion of my free time.

2. Writing! Not only blogging (which really doesn't take up too much of my time since I just write whatever I'm thinking at the moment) but I have 4 or 5 short film scripts that I have various portions done on, or that are just an idea ready to be written. Now, these films will never be made, but it still keeps me entertained.

3. Sketching! I like to draw butterflies...

4. Guitaring! Yeah, I don't practice nearly as much as I should and therefor I really suck, but I have been practicing a couple hours a week, lately. I still suck, though. I'm about at the playing level of a deaf guy with no fingers.

5. Reading! I have a bunch of books sitting around that I have yet to read, and I just bought a couple more.

6. Sports! The NCAA tournament will consume my life in the coming weeks.

7. Politics! My campaign for Mayor of Funkyville is coming along nicely and my campaign advisor, B.F. Politician, tells me I am closing the gap in votes between myself and that damn talking hamster that lives under my bed.

8. Eating! The ideas for competitions keep on coming. Be on the lookout for a live stream of "The Ballpark Challenge" on this blog in the near future.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Rolling along

It is getting a little crowded with sausage in this blog. The female veiwpoint is one that, I believe, should be added to our small community of bloggers. Now, I'd like to give this decision the illusion of democracy, so in the comments, let's hear from our current contributors (DrX, Phishbone and Mikey) their opinions on whether we should invite Megan to be a fellow poster. Megan, feel free to make an argument for your candidacy in the comments.

Let's make a movie!

We should totally get these guys for our hypothetical film. Look at that animation!! (This has to be a joke, right?)

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Thank you, Mikey!

Fresh off sodomizing the pope, our butterfly friend returns to his day job.

I'm blind, I'm deaf, I wanna be a... Governor???

So it looks like New York's next Governor will be their (our) current Lieutenant Governor, who is a 53 year old black, blind man. Not only will he be New York's first black governor, but he is BLIND!!! What the heck is happening here that we have a blind Governor. Maybe the thinknig is that since he is blind, he can't tell how hot the prostitutes are, so he won't bother trying to buy one??? We have Hilary as a Senator, and a blind man as a Governor. Hmmm, maybe I'll move to New jersey. Now there is a state with some real promise

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I miss New York...

...and the governor with the high priced whores. I miss the days when The Spitz (that's what I called the governor back then) and I would go out, buy some coke, get a dozen hookers and make them fight in a pit of death with lions to see which of the strongest will come back to the hotel with us. Good times... Wait, there are laws against that? Do we live in Nazi Germany or something? Fascists!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Let's Dance!

Put on your old green bonnet, with a yellow ribbon on it
And we'll drink 6 friars to the grave.
Though we ain't got knowlege,
We're a damn good college.

We're going back to the big dance! First time since 2001. About time!

Let's go Saints!

Siena College's basketball team is playing in their conference tournament's championship game tonight against the hated Rider Broncs. Seeing as how I went to college there along with a couple other of the posters on this blog, I thought I'd mention that the game will be on ESPN2 at 7:00, so watch it, damn it! We win and we are in the NCAA tournament. Go Saints!

More ridiculous tattoos

Eyeball tattoo.
And since you just read Red Son...

A title

It's long, but I found the last 3 paragraphs of this comment in Nature interesting, which was about a panel at the AAAS meeting that discussed how to science and religion should make nice. We like to bash religion here at BFB, and this guy says that it's gonna get worse. Bring it on!

Battles over science in general, and evolution in particular, tend not to reflect concerns about science, but about society more generally. Ever since Darwin there has been a small corps of people interested in attacking evolution, but noteworthy public crusades arise only periodically. They erupt most intensely at times when the culture is changing in ways that many find confusing and disconcerting — the Roaring '20s, the 1960s and today. Scientists must continue to carry out their educational mission, but evolution will disappear from the headlines only when the whole constellation of social issues that animate the religious right recedes from public concern.

Second, the panelists tiptoed around the fact that scientific discovery can genuinely undermine religious beliefs. The focus of the panel was on teaching evolution, but discoveries in genetics and neuroscience are likely to be far more problematic in the long run. The two fields are verging on drawing the ultimate materialist picture of human nature — humans as nothing more than proteins and electrical impulses, all machine and no ghost, to play off Descartes' formulation. This view will challenge not only fundamentalist views about the soul, but more widely held notions about what it means to be a person. That will further complicate age-old questions about the nature of individual responsibility and morality.

Responding to these issues will be difficult for scientists and non-scientists alike. New discoveries about the human genome and neuroscience will no doubt be clearly linked to potential medical advances, but they may also raise new questions about what kinds of interventions are appropriate. The conundrums may leave even atheists longing for some theological guidance on how to decide what is moral. And wandering about this uncharted territory may make the well-rehearsed battles over evolution seem like the good old days.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Because I'm a lazy bastard....

...I'm posting a YouTube video rather than making a substantive post. Greatest comic ever?

I may have to shut down this blog

I really believe I have reached my creative apex with that last post. Once you've illustrated the pope being sodomized by a butterfly holding a bible, there is really no further peak to reach. I am at the top of the mountain and it's only downhill from here. So bear with me, folks, for this blog will never again reach such heights of ingenuity. Pretty soon I'll probably just be posting pictures of kittens doing people things. Hahahaha, that kitten looks like an accountant! That's comedy gold!

Friday, March 7, 2008

Coolest tattoo ever?

Buying a sketchbook may have been my greatest idea since I invented toilet paper.

tattoo ideas...

Thursday, March 6, 2008

To be or not to be inked

I want to get a tattoo, but I really don't know what I would get. I think I would want it on my forearm. Now I need to think of something good, then sit with it in my head for a couple months, and if I still want it, then I'll get it. So, any good ideas out there? What kind of tattoo should I get?

I should elaborate. I of course would be looking to get a tattoo that is completely ridiculous in some way, or totally inappropriate. For example, maybe I'd get a butterfly wearing sunglasses, holding a bible and sodomizing the pope. Hmmmmm, that's not a bad idea...

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Gold, I tells ya!

Crazy prospectors may be the best thing ever. I think that's what I'm going to do when I get old. I will move to the hills of California, grow a big beard and dance around whenever I come across anything made of gold and yell, "Gold! Gold! I told 'em there be gold in these here hills! They called me nuts, well nuts to them! I'm rich, I tells ya, rich!". And then I'd get kicked out of the jewelry store and drink some beer. That's the good life.

Monday, March 3, 2008

No comment needed


So I read the Wanted comics, and thought it was pretty good. Then I watched the trailer for the film coming out sometime soon, and I wonder why they even bother with the same name. I mean, how can you make a movie out of the comic, and not have any super-villains involved. That seemed to be an important part of the comic. By "important part" I mean the whole fucking point. Fucking Hollywood, showing once again that they have no balls.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Movies that could have been better

I've been thinking of films that have had good premises and have had a lot of potential, but for some reason or other failed in being great, or even good, in some cases. I decided to make a list with a few films I can think of right now. Feel free to add your own in the comments. Here's my list:

Donnie Darko: This film started out good, and got better as the film went on. I loved the idea of a troubled teen seeing a giant disturbing rabbit that tells him to do crazy shit. It had so much potential if it just followed this story line. But noooooo, it has to get all confused with itself by introducing time rifts and time travel that makes no fucking sense. It absolutely drove me nuts.

I am Legend/The Omega Man: I put both of these together because they were based on a great book, but both of them completely got away from what made the book great, and just dumbed it down into lame action flicks. Read the book, then you'll know what I'm talking about.

The Science of Sleep: Now, I have a hard time putting this movie on here, because I genuinely liked it. The idea of a guy who has a difficult time differentiating between what he dreams and reality is done beautifully, but I feel like it was holding back a bit. It is still a great movie, though.

Spider-Man 3: This could have been the best of the all the Spider-Man films. It's fucking Venom, dammit! But nooo, they had to go and throw in like 50 villains, too. This movie was almost unwatchable and made me so very angry.

Sunshine: Let me start this off by saying that I love Danny Boyle. He is a great director and I very much look forward to all of his work, but this film was pretty much a throw away. Now, I have to admit that this was a beautiful looking movie, but it was full of lame Hollywood cliches. My main problem is the near superhuman badguy popping up out of nowhere at inopportune times to artificially move the plot. This could have been a great movie without the villain. The suspense was there even before he was introduced, and was much more genuine.