Now it's Thursday!

And you know what that means? That's right, it's the depression day of the week! You're all going to die alone and unloved! You'll never fit in! There is nothing at all special about you and you'll make no impact on the world! Yay! You're a loser!

It's Monkey Wednesday!

Enjoy!

It's Tuesday!

You know what that means? Time to light your pants on fire and run through a hospital screaming about your fire crotch! Oh, man, Tuesdays never get old.

If it were 1932, my post would look like this:

That Herbert Hoover is a big fat head. Did you know his parents were Quakers? I don't know about that. He might spend all our taxpayer money on oatmeal. I hate Herbert Hoover.

Your Weekend Ben Stein

I know it just makes everyone's weekend so much more entertaining when Ben Stein is comparing someone to a Nazi, so hear you go:

Time to share!

This has been something I have been meeting to do for a while. I want to share a couple websites I read regularly and for y'all to do the same in the comments. Just let everyone know what on the interwebs entertains you, other than this blog. Here are my choices:

Dinosaur Comics - Best daily comic I've ever read.

JREF - James Randi Educational Foundation puts out a weekly newsletter filled with all the latest on flim flam and psuedoscience.

The Skeptics Guide to the Universe - A weekly podcast put out by the New England Skeptical Society. It's consistantly amusing and well worth listening to.

Well, there is a comic, newsletter and podcast. I have a bunch more I can recommend, but now it's everyone else's turn. Link your favorite websites in the comments.

This is what happens when you talk too much about cycling on BFB

Kris wanted me to post some pictures of her bicycle injuries, so here they are. Note: not sure what body parts these are but I'll take a best guess.....

First off she hurt her arm, as you can see from the gash here, but more importantly, yes, that is her nippleless breast implant in the background. Long story, but main point is when she got the implants the doctor held her nipples out for more money, and since we are starving students, "no dice" was the verdict.

The main thing she hurt was her penis. Here she is showing off her ability to get it near her mouth.

Here it is again just dangling and lookin hot.

So that's it! Hope you enjoyed the pics and let this be a lesson to never ride a bike.....NEVER!

My Review

As requested by DrX, I'm gonna review the game Age of Conan. So, please, avert your eyes if you'd rather not see my decent into geekdom. Here's the description from the website:

Age of Conan: Hyborian Adventures is a massively-multiplayer online roleplaying game (MMORPG) based on the world and works of acclaimed author Robert E. Howard. In Age of Conan, players enter Hyboria with thousands of their friends and enemies to live, fight, and explore the dark and brutal world of King Conan.

I've been playing this game off and on for just over a month. Now, I have a short attention span, so I'm not one to play the same game long periods of time. I'm what you call a casual gamer. Anyways, this is a pretty good game. What sets it apart from other games is the combat system, very graphic violence and adult themes. The combat system is definitely the most fun thing about the game. There are three keys that you use to control the direction of your attack, and most classes have certain combos that require a specific order of keystrokes, unleashing a spectacular attack. When you kill your opponent with one of these combos there is a chance you will commit a fatality move, such as lopping off their head, lighting them on fire, hacking off both arms, snapping their neck with your bare hands, or ripping out their heart and eating it. Yeah, it's as fucking great as it sounds. Even still, I find myself giggling with glee when I hack apart my enemy in a shower of blood and guts.

The graphics of this game are spectacular, but requires a pretty beefy computer to run well. The world you wander around in is absolutely beautiful. It is definitely the best looking PC game I've played.

Ok, now some of the issues. This is still a very young game, as it just came online in May. One of the things that drew me to this game was the promise of giant PVP battles for battle keeps built by powerful guilds. Well, I'm still waiting for this. It takes a while to form a guild and rise to prominence, as I only know of one server that actually has a keep built. There are many guild towns, but the gathering of resources is monotonous and a long process. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing.

Also, as of right now, PVP fighting isn't very balanced. I haven't messed around with this too much, but the talk is that the priest classes are too strong and dominate. This is a normal problem, and the game is still in its infancy. One very good thing is that the folks at Funcom are constantly making pretty elaborate patches several times a month.

So, to sum up, this is a young game and has its issues, but is still a lot of fun. As time goes on, the gaming experience is only going to improve, as continuous patches come out, and the guilds get stronger and start battling more. So, if your interested, I'm on the server Thog, and you should join up and make me your friend so we can kill things together. That's all I got folks. I'll stop being a nerd now.

Criminals are ironic

Great T-Shirts to wear while being arrested...

Age of Conan?

Hey, Kev. Are you still playing AoC? If so, you've had some time to play now. How is it? Review, please.

Best. Script. Ever.

Batman: The Dark Knight, as imagined by Michael Bay.

Secret of Comedy #2

Today I continue our lesson on comedy. The second method to elicit laughter is:

Pop Culture References

This is an easy one. The important thing here is to know your audience and then just constantly make reference to things they like. It doesn't at all have to be done in a funny or satirical way, just the reference alone is now considered comedy. People see/hear this reference to pop culture people/things/quotes and they say, "hey I know that! hahahahahaha!". Evidentially, the older the reference, the funnier it is. For examples see The Family Guy, Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg.

Siena Hoops

I know some of you (Kev the great) aren't big fans of ESPN, but they have a new rankings of teh top 300 men's college basketball programs since the 1984-1985 season.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=3481843

Siena is actually ranked 69th (haha another funny joke that should go in your comedy piece is any sentence with the word 69) over that span. Pretty good considering we've only won 3 tournament games (if you consider the play-in game), and been to the tourney 2 other times I believe. We are even ranked over former final four participants George Mason and Providence. Go Saints!

Secret of comedy #1

I've decided to give you all lessons on comedy by telling you what is funny. So, the first thing that belongs on the list:

Fart Jokes

The rule of thumb here is that any situation is funny if someone farts, or a random fart sound is added in editing. So, let's say you have a comedy film and when you screen it, nobody is laughing. What do you do? Add fart noises to every scene. People will be rolling in the aisles laughing. You can take this lesson into your everyday life, too. Looking for some quick chuckles in the next board meeting? You now know what to do.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Another day, another birthday. This time it is our very own Mikey O. Other birthdays for the 21st of July:

Ernest Hemingway
Don Knotts
Janet Reno
Cat Stevens
Robin Williams
Jon Lovitz
Josh Hartnett
Belgium

So, happy birthday to Mikey and all the others on this list. Especially Belgium, because I like their waffles.

Let's drink

So I just got a call from my buddy at 2 and. and he is drunk and wants some dough-boy's. Not Really sure what to type but I hope you like it. Andersin Silvia kicked the sandman's ass in less than 1 minute. Boxing is ok but UFC is where its at

This is great!

Hey DrX, have you seen this? Joss Whedon has made a musical web series with Neil Patrick Harris as a fledging super villain. It's spectacular! You all should watch it. IT is only up until Sunday, so go watch it NOW!

Be my friend!

Anyone subscribed to Netflix? If not, I highly recommend it. I've been a member for years and I owe my extensive film knowledge to my subscription. Anyways, there is a friend option on the webpage where you can add other members as a friend and see their ratings of movies, as well as leave suggestions and notes to each other. Fish and I have been playing around with it a bit and it's pretty cool. So, if you belong to Netflix, make me your friend by clicking this.

Watchmen trailer

I know Kev says he didn't really like it much, but Watchmen is possibly my favorite fiction book of all time, and it looks like the movie actually has a shot of being decent, based on the trailer. Fingers are crossed on this one.

Happy Birthday Mia!

Am I a day late? It's the first birthday, so I get to be wrong this time, right? Man, I'm a horrible uncle. Anyways, whether it is today or was yesterday, Happy Birthday to my niece! It's not like she can read this anyways, I guess. Anyways, your present is on the way. It's just a little late. Wow, Mummy Hitler would probably make a better uncle than I am...

The little man in my head

What the fuck? Am I quiting sugar or heroin? I haven't had sugar in a couple days now, and everything was going fine, but today I have a splitting headache. What I believe is the problem, is that there is a tiny little person living behind my left eyeball and when he doesn't get his sugar fix for the day he jabs me in the back of the eye with a fork and slams on my bone with a sledgehammer. Crazy tiny little man! Don't you know violence doesn't solve any problems?

Which of these Bon Jovi fans were actually at the concert?

My bet is that the answer is not #3... Anyway, I wasn't even there and I posted pictures. What the hell is wrong with you Mikey?

Living on a Prayer

Well I did it. I finally saw the man whose air guitar skills I have been mimmicking for years, Jon Bon Jovi this past Saturday in Central Park. JBJ (as I call him) opened with Living on a Pryer and went right into Shot Through the Heart. Good openeing, but a little sad that he played my song so early. I did learn that JBJ does have a move I need to incorporate into my routine. Appraently he is a big fan of the "arms spread out and clap above your head" to get the crowd excited. Be on the look out for this move at my next performance (which if Dutch has his camera phone on him, may end up on YouTube).

The show was about 2.5 hours and was a fun time as long as you were open to seeing Bon Jovi. The lines were small and we were allowed to bring in our own drinks (which is why I don't remember the whole show haha). The place was packed, but there were two huge LCD screen to watch JBJ shake his money maker.

Overall on a scale of 1 - 10, I give the show an 8. It was straight off of the studio albums, but the fact that the show was in Central Park, and my first and only JBJ show, helped bring it up a couple of notches.

Well that's my review. Now that Kev has allowed me to post again, look for future posts. Have a nice day!

Things I really don't have a problem with

One thing I really don't have a problem with, that many people do, is strippers. I really don't see the big deal. There is nothing wrong with women showing off their bodies for money, as long as they have free choice in the matter. Let's face it, at least in this country, nobody is forced into being a stripper. If a woman needs money there are many other jobs out there they can take, though they may not pay as well. Also, people liken stripping to prostitution. This is ridiculous. Simulated sex is not the same as sex. If it were, then we would have to call any actor or actress that has ever been in a sex scene a porn star. Now, if you want to call a porn actor/actress a prostitute, then you have a case. It is sex for money, after all. Anyways, there really is nothing wrong with strippers, in my opinion, as I have never heard a convincing case for it being so. Feel free to try and change my mind in the comments.

RIP Bobby Murcer

Just wanted to express condolences to the family of Bobby Murcer. He was a good Yankee and the only one to play with both Mickey Mantle and Don Mattingly.

I'm chubby

No more sweet tea and soda for me! I'm getting fat, so I'm gonna stop eating and drinking sugar. That is really all I have for today. Sorry.... Things just aren't exciting in North Carolina as everyone thinks. I haven't been raped by a single backwoods bootlegger.

Should we go into this again?

I know that we have had this discussion before, but the classic movie remake has once again reared its ugly head. This time it is The Day the Earth Stood Still. It is also with Keanu Reeves as Klaatu. I'm going to hold off judgement on this movie, for now. I think that the original The Day The Earth Stood Still could definitely be reimagined into a solid movie, and maybe that's what has happened. We will see. However, if it sucks, I'm just going to let you all know I will be bitching about it for several weeks. Anyone else have an opinion on this? At least Jennifer Connelly is in it.

This is where I finally post something

I guess I should make a post about my birthday vacation of the past few days, as to fill you all in on my exciting exploits. I arrived in Albany Wednesday afternoon, picked up a rental car and went to visit the parents. I arrived and all the doors to the house were locked and the lights suddenly turned themselves off when I knocked. They must have been on a time delay or something. I decided to wait around for them, but then the cops came and told me that someone called saying that I was harassing people and had to leave or be arrested. So, I slept in my car that night in a Walmart parking lot, but it was ok, because the next day was my birthday!

I woke up in the morning to a homeless man knocking on the window, looking for change. I told him it was my birthday and I'd take him out for breakfast, but he said he had better things to do, and just needed bus fare to get to a doctor's appointment. I offered him a ride there, and to wait for him while he was with the doctor, and then we could hang out or something for my birthday. He must have been afraid to ride in cars or something, because he swore and stomped off, mumbling under his breath.

Anyways, it was my birthday and time to have some fun with all my friends. Unfortunately, there must have been something wrong with my cell phone, and the 5 pay phones I tried using, because nobody I called would answer. I left a bunch of messages for people, and decided to get started and wait for people to meet me out. As any good birthday starts out, I went to church to pray for a good and unsinful day. While praying I decided to tell Jesus about my plane ride and why I don't like coconut and that time I saw a squirrel chasing a dog, and just when I was going to go into my thoughts on tacky carpeting, Jesus suddenly appeared before me! I was amazed! There he was, the son of God standing in front of me! He looked at me and shook his head from side to side and said, "Hey Kevin. Look, I love you and all, I am Jesus after all, but I'm just not in love with you. You know? Maybe you should start talking to other deities out there. I hear Buddha is a good listener. Or maybe you could become an atheist or something? Anyways, just give it a rest a while, I have important things to do, you know?"

That Jesus sure has a good sense of humor, joking around like that with me. I asked him if he wanted to go grab a beer or something for my b'day, but he just swore and stomped off, muttering under his breath. So, anyways, I spent my birthday at the rollerskating rink, waiting for my friends. I don't like to roller skate or anything, but my friends have mentioned it, so I figured they would enjoy it. They must have been really busy, though, because nobody showed up. Well, there's always next year guys!

Happy Birthday!

Let me fight through the back end of a two day hangover to wish frequent reader/commentator/sister-in-law Megan a happy belated birthday. I hope you had a great day and had lots of fun!

I'm back

I'm tired, I'm hungover, my plane home was delayed by 3 hours, but I'm now back in North Carolina. I have some stuff to post, but it'll have to wait until I'm not so close to death. Hope everyone had a good 4th of July weekend.

I'm gone in under 12 hours

For the rest of the week I'll be in Albany, and probably not posting. Hope everyone has a great 4th of July weekend! Fish and DrX will hopefully keep y'all entertained while I am gone. Yaaaahooooo! Vacation!

No State for Old Men.....

Okay, so I know I have mentioned this in person to some close friends already, but I just wanted to update everyone on our local "hero", Joe Horn. Apparently, he has been cleared of any criminal wrongdoing for shooting (and killing) two unarmed illegals in the back during a robbery of his neighbor's house. Apparently, he feared for his life as the two men cut a corner of his front lawn to get to their car and leave, thus provoking a beautifully placed 911 call to create this situation. What is really aces is the "You wanna bet" quote. I love it!! So what do you think? Was he right or wrong? I would make a vote box, but I don't think I have the permissions.

Kev's Birthday

Hey, Mom wants to know what you want for your birthday. Instead of asking you, let's see what our readers think you want. I'll forward the best ideas on to Mom.

One day left!

I am excited. I could barely sleep last night! My vacation starts tomorrow, and my b'day is the day after! Yay! I just have to get through this last day of work. It feels like the last day of school before summer vacation right now, except I have a ton of stuff to do. That won't stop me from blogging! I'm a horrible employee... I say that, not because I spend work time blogging, rather, because every morning I urinate in the coffee pot. Take that surprisingly pleasant and likeable coworkers! Of course I'm kidding, everyone knows I collect my urine and sell it as lemon flavored Powerade at little league baseball games. I'm not going to be wasting my pure gold urine on my coworkers. Anyways, back to work.