Thursday, January 16, 2014

A Little About Myself

Life has begun anew for this nearly dead blog. With it's resurgence I figured it would be a good idea to reintroduce ourselves to the people of the world. I will leave my two colleagues to introduce themselves, but can give you a brief overview of my background and how it makes me qualified as a blogger. The biggest qualification I have for this off and on hobby is experience. Hopefully my worldly knowledge will help make future posts interesting enough for others to follow this blog.

June 15th, 1867: My first month on the railroad crew. I'm
in the front right, securing my wood.
I have had many occupations in my time on this planet. Maybe it would be easiest to start from the beginning. Fresh out of schooling, I decided to take part in the push to the Western frontier. I had little money at the time, but was lucky enough to fall in with a start-up company that was determined to traverse the globe with a single railroad line. We began in Columbus, Ohio and laid track into the Western frontier, through Indiana, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee, Montana, New Hampshire, Louisiana... It was hard work, laying that track, but rewarding, and it carried me all the way over the Rockies to the Caribbean Sea. It was then that we hit our first real snag. It seems that underwater railroad was a bit more difficult than we imagined. It's a very technical issue, and I won''t bore you with the details, but it seems that our great plans preceded the technological capabilities of the industry by a few years.

Me (on the right) and the crew digging away! Good times!
After the failed venture of my first paying job, I decided to head off on my own to the Sierra Madre mountains, where word of great gold deposits had been found. I quickly hired a small crew and began my quest for fame and fortune! We dug day and night, finding little of what we were looking for. After 3 long weeks, with little to show for our efforts, my crew abandoned me to start a vaudeville act, dressing their pick axes in dresses and putting on pornographic puppet acts. I was left alone with nothing but a mountain, 3 tons of dynamite (always be prepared!) and a lust for gold. Time was running short for me, as creditors were asking about me in town, trying to collect on the tidy sum I borrowed from them (3 tons of dynamite in those days was rather expensive). I decided to make one last attempt at finding the gold I so deserved. Day and night for 4 days, I hauled sticks of dynamites to the bottom of my mine. When I was finally done I lit the fuse and ran for cover. The ensuing explosion left a large scar in the Earth (later, some geologists would give it the silly name of "Chicxulub Crater"). And that is how the dinosaurs became extinct. I feel bad about it, but those guys were kind of dicks anyways.

See Part 2 Here

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