Thursday, January 30, 2014

Snow Rumors - Debunked!

My backyard. Proof that everything I write isn't
complete bullshit!
Living in North Carolina, I don't get to see a lot of snow. However, yesterday I found myself snowed in, unable to traverse the roads around my home.

I also discovered that, with the lack of consistent snow in winters, people around here have some strange myths about the fluffy white stuff. Having grown up in New York, I have plenty of experience to feel qualified to debunk some of these strange beliefs, so I have consolidated some of them in this post for me to address all in one place. Here we go!

1. Snow is God's dandruff, caused by cold, dry weather. 

While snow needs cold weather to form, it is not God's dandruff. A snow flake is actually water that has frozen in a crystalline form. So, no need to fret over getting snow on you! It isn't divine dead skin cells! It's just water!

2. Eating snow can cause AIDS.

This rumor is built upon the first. The reasoning goes that if God is everything, he must also be AIDS, and you can then contract AIDS by eating his dandruff, which is his dead skin. There are several things wrong with this theory. First, as pointed out in my answer to the first rumor, snow is not God's dandruff. Second, even if it were, the AIDS virus is caused by being infected with HIV, which occurs by the transfer of blood, semen, vaginal fluid or breast milk. Dandruff does not contain any of these. Go ahead and eat a snowflake! But be careful of eating snow already on the ground, especially if it looks like it has been disturbed.

3.  When the snow comes, so do the snow worms. Beware the snow worm.

A snow worm is rumored to be a 100 foot long worm that surfaces only when there is snow to conceal it, and feasting on anything careless enough to stumble upon it. This myth is actually true. The giant snow worm emerges when there is snow on the ground, the rest of the time it resides in my pants.

4. Snow was invented by Communist scientists in 1692 in order to repulse future attacks on the Russian homeland.

This rumor is also false. Snow was actually invented by J. Gillicutty McSnow in 1754. The story is that he was looking for a quick way to cool a glass of Scotch, but the experiment got out of hand and exploded, covering all the land with ice crystals. Scientists today believe that the explosion was so great that the magical water freezing serum that McSnow developed actually got into the atmosphere where it remains today, shifting around the world and causing snow.

5. Every time a Yeti loses its virginity, it snows.

This is true! Trust me though, you never want to see a Yeti have intercourse. Very disturbing...

That's all for now! Everyone enjoy the snow!

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