This post is where I visit the Fox News website, randomly pick a headline and make up the news story for it. Here we go...
Proposed Ban Could Put Carriages Out to Pasture
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Akron - In a bold move to protect the downtown shopping district, Akron town council members have unanimously voted to ban baby carriages at a town hall meeting last night. It was the first move on the council's agenda to make the town more safe from the threat of Muslim extremists.
Mayor Rick Hatton lead the charge with an impassioned speech at the beginning of the meeting, stressing the dangers of terrorism and the unconventional means with which the Muslim world means to wage war on our freedom.
"We now have a Muslim family living in Bradford County," Hatton told reporters. "The war on terrorism has finally reached our community and we must protect ourselves! I, for one, will not sit idly by while the followers of that heathen religion try to destroy everything we love!"
After reading a news story out of Baghdad, in which a suicide bomber detonated an explosive device hidden in a baby carriage, Hatton new that action must be taken to prevent a similar occurrence in his small town.
"I see women walking around with baby carriages all the time, and nobody ever thinks to search them!" said Hatton. "This must stop! I will not have my town destroyed by negligence on our part. We must get these carriages of death off our streets!"
In place of carriages, Hatton recommends the use of a new product called The Baby Sack, which are sold exclusively at Hatton's General Store on Main Street. The Baby Sack is a durable clear plastic sack and is described to be able to hold up to four babies at once.
"The Baby Sack is the best alternative to those dangerous contraptions of misery (baby cairrages)," said Hatton "They're clear, so we can all see if there is a bomb inside. Babies love them, too! Come get two or three, I'll give you a special deal at Hatton's General Store, where the savings are because I love America!"
Some people disagree with the town council's actions, including the newest resident Satya Salil.
"Everyone has been scared into a frenzy just by me moving in." an obviously angry Salil said. "I'm not even from the Middle East! My parents moved to America from India before I was born. I'm not even Muslim, I'm Hindi!"
Townspeople believe Salil's story is an obvious fake, conceived to cover up his terrorist activities, and have created a neighborhood watch to keep an eye on this dangerous new resident. Only time will tell if the terrorists will win the war with Akron, but it's obvious that the American residents of this small town will not go without a fight.