Post about work

I realize I don't post much about what goes on during my work day, but that's only because nothing exciting ever really happens. At least, nothing exciting that doesn't contain proprietary information. And today was no exception, but I'll tell a story anyways.

I was coming back in the building from lunch, and when I walked by our secretary's office she asked if I could take a look at her computer speakers which weren't working. So, I take a look at them and the power light isn't on, so I check the plug, which is difficult to get to, so I'm crawling around on the floor, moving stuff around. I unplug the speakers and plug them into a different outlet I knew worked, but still no power. So, something is f'd up, right? Yeah, it was a set of speakers that you can turn off by turning the volume all the way down. So, after fiddling with the damn speakers, I realize this and turn the friggin things on, and hey, they work. Now, is the secretary that clueless and didn't realize the volume was all the way down? I think she just turned them off when she saw me come in the building and used the excuse of the speaker trouble to see me crawl around on the floor. That's because I'm a sexy bastard. To sum up this post, the secretary at work is completely infatuated with me. That's what I get out of this.

The MacBook Air

Everyone see the new MacBook Air? It is under an inch thin. If I were to buy that thing, I would end up breaking it in under a week. Seriously. That's the problem with technology. As we get more advanced, things get smaller and easier for me to break. I can't buy nice things. I'm a spaz. That's all I have for tonight.

The determination of Easter

For a while I have been wondering how the hell the date of Easter is determined. Sometimes it is in March, other times it is in April. I've recently been told that the answer to this question, and now I will share it with all my loyal readers (both of you). Deep in the depths of the Vatican cellars is a dark room sealed with a huge rock. Every year, starting in March, the Pope sends a special bishop down to sit outside that room and wait, day and night, watching. One day, always in March or April, the giant rock magically moves from the opening of the small room and out walks the zombie corpse of Jesus. Now, there are two things that can happen: If zombie Jesus sees his shadow he gets scared, retreats to his room and there will be two more weeks of winter. If he doesn't see his shadow he will feed on the brains of the bishop and summer will come early! And that day is Easter.

He's signing autographs?

For some awful reason that I don't know myself, I watched the State of the Union address. I don't get it. After every fucking sentence people stand up and applaud. Everyone has to try to be center of attention, deciding what they are going to stand up and applaud to. You need any evidence that the presidency is nothing but a popularity contest? The fucking president of the United States of America signed fucking autographs for fifteen minutes after his speech. Autographs! Our president thinks he's fucking Mikey Mantle...

Now, I've never made it all the way through a State of the Union before, so it's possible that Clinton, Old Bush, Reagan, ect.. all did the same autograph signing thing, but it's still tacky as hell. You're the fucking president, you just the speech summing up what you want to do in your final year in office, and you're going to finish it up by signing autographs? He's a fucking public servant. You don't get the autograph of your mailman, do you?

This is the problem with today's politics, the only people who get into it anymore are just seeking out fame and fortune, and it's definitely there for the taking. Fuck doing anything for your country. Just get in and grab what you can before you get kicked out or arrested.

Pretty good movie

This weekend I watched a pretty good movie that I would recommend. It was called Smithereens, and made in the early 80s just before music got really lame. Anyways, I pretty much just rented it because Richard Hell was in it, but it was actually a really good movie. Go ahead and rent it sometime. Until you do watch it, I will feed your Richard Hell hunger right here (I know you gots it!):

Great Software

To all of you budding writers out there, let me point you to the best free script writing software I've ever used: celtx. It's pretty nice. It has a ton of options in it, whether you're writing a film, stage play or audio play. Man, I hate writing these posts, because they sound like shitty commercials. But it's free to download and use, so fuck it. Give it a look.

Amazing Fortune Cookie

I went to the Chinese buffet this afternoon for lunch and, after gorging myself, I opened my fortune cookie and was shocked at the accuracy of my fortune. Now, I've never been one to believe in the supernatural. I am, after all, a man of science. However, this fortune I received today may change my mind since it is so accurate and insightful:

Praise the cookie! It has summed up my life perfectly.

(sorry for the poor quality of the picture, all I have on me is my cell phone camera)

Motivation: Gone.

Yeah, I'm not gonna write a play. That was a brief lasting urge bought on by watching a Murnau film that was based on a play. The desire has passed. I do need something to pass the time, though. Maybe I'll take up a life of crime. I just watched The Public Enemy, and Cagney made gangster life seem glamorous, so maybe I should give it a try, see? Meh, see? You coppers ain't gonna take me alive! Man, all my best ideas seem to come from the last movie I've watched.

Damn it!

I just got a letter in the mail today letting me know that my car insurance has been canceled for the better part of the month. Yeah, thanks for the prompt notification, bastards. Anyways, I have to get some North Carolina insurance anyways, so it's no biggie, I just have to get it taken care of right now. Anyone have any companies to suggest? After a brief amount of looking around it seems like Geico is the cheapest for me, but I'm hesitant of dealing with a company that has inflicted upon the world this:

My Play Idea

As I said in my previous post, I have suddenly decided to write a play. What is this play about? Well, just off the top of my head I'll come up with an idea:

There's this prince, right? Let's say he's from some European country like, I don't know, Denmark. Anyways, his father dies one night and his uncle marries his mother and becomes the next king. Crazy, eh? Anyways, the ghost of the dead king then comes and visits the prince and tells him that the uncle killed him and that his death must be avenged! How fucking cool is that? I'm brilliant! Anyways, the prince then decides to travel to America to find a bride. Looking at a map he decides to go to, of course, Queens in New York, where he gets a job at a fast food restaurant in order to get closer to a girl he wants to marry. Ummmm, then there's some more ghosts, and the prince gets the Statue of Liberty to come alive using some goo and 80s music and marches around the streets of New York looking for Godzilla, with whom there is a dramatic final showdown fight to the death. The End.

note: There is also a monkey.