Veteran's Day

Thanks, veterans, for fighting for the country. I think it's fucked up that you had to fight, but thanks for doing it. I may one day post my nut ideas about the military at some point, but not on Veteran's Day, I guess. Maybe tomorrow.

More recycling

It seems that on all issues people in this country automatically take a centrist view. They think "both sides are passionate, so they must both be right! I'll take the middle!". Pansies...

I think this is one of the reasons our science education is so behind pretty much every other industrialized country in the world. There are so many evangelicals speaking passionately against science, such as evolution or big bang theory, while a huge majority of scientists support these theories. The average citizen sees this conflict and chooses the middle, and we get crap like Intelligent Design "theory", which uses scientific language to present completely anti-science ideas, and people fall for it. People have to understand that science strives for truth, while it's opponents thrive for suppression. If a huge majority of scientists agree on a theory, it is because it is the best one available and supported by a massive amount of data and physical evidence. Something else to realize about science is it contains a completely open community. If you have a novel theory with sufficient evidence to back it, you can present it in any number of journals and present it to the scientific community. Now, the community may try to rip your theory apart, but experimentation and evidence doesn't lie, and if you have it right, your theory will stick. Now, no theory is ever final or perfect, and as new evidence presents itself a good theory will change to incorporate it, but sometimes new evidence will completely destroy a theory and you must start from scratch.

You constantly see nutcases proclaiming that the scientific community is trying to suppress their incredible new invention or theories, but this is ridiculous. If there was any validity to what they were doing, they would find many open arms, or at least silenced critics when nobody can find major flaws in their reasoning. This is how the world should work.

An old story for y'all

He lost his nose due to an infected cut. I was the one who gave him that cut, purely by accident, of course. We were playing basketball and I scrapped the bridge of his nose with a finger nail while coming down with a rebound. If he had just washed it out and used a band aid, he'd still have his nose, but I still felt a little guilty. That is why I made him a prosthetic nose. I made it out of raisins to better simulate the feel of flesh, and didn't perceive the problems that would come from such a choice of material.

I presented him the nose and he was thrilled to have it. It fit perfectly in the hole that was still left in the middle of his face from the surgery. It was a brilliant piece of workmanship, I must say, and looked spectacularly real. He decided to take it out for a test run in the park and ran out the door with excitement. During the stroll he was the happiest I had seen him since the operation. His mood quickly changed, however, when we came upon a gaggle of crows. They must have been starving because as soon as they saw that big raisin nose sitting on his face they went wild. There must have been 50 or 60 of those bastards swooping down from the sky, pecking and clawing at his face as I looked on in horror, knowing not what to do. Finally the raisin nose was devoured, the crows lost interest and flew away. I rushed my friend to the hospital. He was lucky the damage was not more severe. Both eyes had been gouged badly and could not be saved, but all other damage was superficial in nature. I wonder how well grapes would work as prosthetic eyes...

note: Don't forget to vote! The poll is right there on the right part of the screen. Go here for examples of the poll answers.

A new toy!

I just got a new toy in the mail today. It is the Garmin StreetPilot c550! GPS rules, man! Yeah, so now "the man" can track me, but at least I'll never get lost. Who wants to go on a road trip?

note: Wow, this post is practically a commercial. I assure you, Garmin is not a sponser of mine. This is just one of the times I have nothing to write about so I just brag about a new toy. Sorry. But if Garmin does want to be a sponser, I am listening. Or any other company, for that matter. Well, any company except Disney. Those bastards ruined my childhood. That's right, when I was five years old I was raped by Mikey Mouse...

Another Poll

I'm gonna try doing another poll. Hopefully this one won't end up tied, and a miserable failure, like the last. Ok, so here is the question, followed by the choices with examples:

Which drug has had the best influence on the "rock music"?

1. Heroin



2. Pot



3. Cocaine



4. Religion

The choice is yours! Please vote!

11/10 update:
The longer the poll has stayed up, the more lame I have felt it has become. I have grown to hate this poll, so I have taken it down. The lesson for today: I should never commit myself to long term gags, because I will hate them after a day or two.

What is a real friend?

Would any of you guys ever help me dispose of a dead body with no questions asked? That is a real friend.

Nice!

That crazy Indian video is friggin great. For some reason it reminds me of this video, Apache by Tommy Seebach!!!!



It's a different kind of Indian, or white women dressed up like a different kind of Indian, at least. Check out YouTube for some great versions of this video dubbed with other songs. Prodigy's Breathe works perfectly.

Craziest Indian Video

I hereby trump the Right Brothers. I have found the king wacky music video of all time.

OK, I'll just do it...

My guide to being popular, in just 5 easy steps:

1. Make a lot of money
This is an obvious one. If you have lots of money you can use it to make friends. Buy the bar a round of drinks, buy people dinner or just buy a bunch of whores to hang around with you. It's always easy to have a posse if you have money. Just find some guys who like whores and you can give them the skanky ones. Instant friends!

2. Acquire a lot of power
If you have money, it's easy to gain power. Just throw that money in the direction of powerful people and they will start doing you favors. Once you have some power you can start doing favors to those lacking in power, and they will owe you. That's when you force them to be your friend. Want me to take care of that speeding ticket for you? Come have dinner with me and I'll think about it.

3. Hone your deception skills
If you don't have any power or money, be good at pretending you do. Trust me, if people think you're rich, they just give shit to you for free. It's a fucked up world, I know. Anyways, to achieve that rich and powerful look, buy yourself a tux, a top hat and a monacle. Also grow a mustache.

4. Hate something
Develop some kind of irrational hate for something. It can be minority groups, corporations, religions, certain animals, it doesn't really matter. If you hate something, you will soon find other people who share that passion. Nothing brings people together like a shared hatred.

5. Put out
You want to be popular? Sleep with pretty much anyone. You'll never again have nothing to do on a Saturday night. And if you're good enough at it, you can start to charge and make some money. And if you're really good at it, you may be able to complete step #1.

I'm sure there are other ways to become popular, but I have a short attention span, so 5 is enough for me. Hope this helps, kids!

I have problems

I wrote this post just a couple days ago, and in it I said I would be posting ways to be popular. I have yet to post that. Let me tell you what happened. Whenever I do something like that (say I am going to post something in the future) I rarely end up fulfilling that promise. I have such an aversion to doing anything I feel I've been forced into, that I find it very difficult to do something even I've forced myself to do. Looking back at that previous post, I now feel that the posting I promised would be completely lame, and I've been avoiding writing it, even though I was enthusiastic about it, and came up with some good ideas just two days ago. I am rebelling against the past me, the me of two days ago. Fuck me from two days ago! I can't tell me what to write! I'm older and more wise than me, I'll write whatever the hell I want to write, and it'll be a fuck load* better than anything I wanted me to write! Hell yeah!


*A fuck load is a unit of measurement equivalent to 3,233.657 kg.