I will be the first poster in this sad little contest. I am first, as I deserve to be. Now, where do I start? As you have likely deduced from my name, I am in fact the mummified remains of The Fuhrer. You see, when the damned Russians were closing in on me at the end of the war I took a secret tunnel out of the city and escaped to Egypt. Unfortunately during the trip I was mortally wounded in a horrible tea party accident. By the time I got to the infernal deserts of the Middle East, I was near death. My doctor only gave me days to live, but a strange indigenous man came to me with the offer of immortality. He would make me a mummy and I would be sealed in a tomb, only to rise again and rejoin the living for eternity! So, here I am. It's been about 60 years since I last walked the Earth and I find things to be very strange.
If you allow me to, I would like to share the everyday experiences of a former great dictator as he tries to acclimate himself into a society from which he has been absent for more than a half century. Now, I know you all may be wary to let someone who is responsible for the extermination of millions of innocent men women and children post on your precious blog, but don't we all have some skeletons in our closet? None of us are perfect. I am trying to better myself. I am seeing a psychiatrist regularly and am working through some of my issues. His name is Dr. Feingold. That's right, he's a Jew, and I haven't even tried to have him killed yet! I am growing! Sure, I still am struck by the occasional murderous rage, but I'm a mummy! It's normal! Also, I am filled with hate for everything around me but I'm Hitler! You can't expect me to change overnight, can you? Besides, there is so much to hate in this world, all I ask is for you to let me share it with you. Well, I will stop taking up your time. Just please vote for me so that I may continue to post in the future. And if you don't, I will find you and I will crush you in my heavily bandaged hands! I will spill your blood upon your just cleaned carpet and shit on your bed! You are all dirty, filthy vermin which I will exterminate if you cross me! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
I kid! I kid! Really, I'm over that kind of irrational hatred.
Just don't push me...