From: A concerned mother
Stop drinking… Your hurting your wife and son.
When I first read this letter I thought my son, Billy, was the author and making a lame attempt at anonymity. So, I had a few beers, lectured him on being a man and confronting his problems head on , then I burned him with cigarettes until he cried and ran away screaming for his mother. Then I realized I don’t even have a son! Crazy! I wonder who that little boy was… Anyways, first you guys reprimand me for my gambling and now you’re going to get on me for my drinking? Leave me to my vices, dammit! I may take up smoking just to piss y’all off. Or heroin… There’s always heroin. By the way ladies, I'm not married, either! That's right, I'm still available, just don't come between me and my beer! The beard stays, you go!
Thanks for your emails! If anyone else has any questions or comments, please email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org