Friday, November 16, 2007

My true motives...

A couple weeks ago I called up DrX and told him that I am making him my main benificiary for my 401k plan. DrX made the mistake of agreeing without asking why. So now I reveal my plan. If I were to die, you must take care of my funeral with the money you get. That's right, DrX, it's all up to you! I know we have talked about this before, but I need to get what I want for a funeral in writing:

I want to have a zombie themed wake/funeral. Everyone has to come dressed as either a zombie or a fearful human. Also, if I am rich by the time I die, I want to be turned into an animatronic zombie so I can walk around at my funeral and mingle. This is probably something I am going to have to plan before I die. It may be tough to find someone to robotize my corpse. If there isn't enough money to make this happen, then maybe just tie some string on my limbs and torso and make me move around Weekend at Bernie's style. Just make sure I look like a zombie. Slip the mortician a few hundred to slice off my cheek or something. I need a good decomposing look. Also, serve some cow or pig brains at the wake, or post-wake party. And one more thing, I made a deal with my friend Powder that whichever one of us die first has all our friends play Taps on kazoos at the funeral.

I'm relying on you DrX. Make this happen. And if there is any money left over, buy my niece a guitar and make her learn some Ramones songs, and on the anniversary of my death you have to hit my grave with a baseball bat while she plays Beat on the Brat. I have no idea why this is a requirement, and it can probably be ignored. Don't worry, I'm not planning on dying anytime soon, so you have time to plan. Have fun with it.


DrX said...

Hmm. As long as Mom and Dad... and pretty much everybody else in our family who would prevent this via court order dies first, I promise to make your funeral as much of a farce as possible. You know I'm always up for shenanigans.

I'm the easy one though. You'll need to convince Mrs DrX that this needs to happen.

kevthegreat said...

If I have to put this in my will, then so be it. It must be done! If need be, maybe you have a normal wake for all the pansies, and then the zombie one afterwards for all my friends and less sensitive types. I better increase my 401k contributions, this is getting expensive!