... followed by the correct answer:
Q. Would you eat a live puppy for increased national security?
A. Yes, I would eat a puppy to keep you safe from terrorists.
Q. What was your favorite childhood porno mag?
A. The terrorists want to kill us in our homes and eat our babies. There will be no more childhood, since all our babies would be taken away and raised in baby farms to be plumped up for crazy terrorist feasts. I liked Hustler.
Q. If China were a type of fruit, what kind of fruit would they be?
A. China would be a calamondin.
Q. Would you support new technology that could convert the souls of the damned into oil?
A. We need to end our dependence on foreign oil, or the terrorists will kill us all. I say we use the heathens and sinners to run our SUVs.
Q. Is a woman capable of anything more than making me dinner?
A. My wife has killed terrorists with her bare hands. So yes, women can be killing machines as well as your caretaker. They are all crazy and poor at math, however.
Q. Torture: right or wrong?
A. Torture is wrong. If you give it a nicer name, then it is ok.
Q. Do you like my hair?
A. September the 11th changed how America must look at the world. And since that day, your hair has given America the comfort we have sought in the face of certain death and destruction. Your hair, sir, is a national hero, and I'd like to make sweet love to it.