Sunday, September 30, 2007

Bio for DrX

It may be a little long, but I got carried away...

Daniel “Shleppy” Johnson was born in rural upstate New York in the roaring 20s. The son of a bootlegger by the name of Johnny Two-arms, Dan was quick to participate in the family business. By the age of 11, Dan was smuggling trucks full of Canadian whisky across the border during the day and was the life of the party in various speak-easies by night.


This life of infamy and riches continued throughout his teenage years until the start of World War II. It is said that Dan learned of Pearl Harbor when he was awaken from a deep sleep, following a night of drinking with several chorus girls, by his good friend Henry Fonda and told of the catastrophe. Dan immediately volunteered for the Marines where he fought in the Pacific Theater. On October 3rd, 1944 Dan was wounded when a bamboo tree fell on his head. He wasn’t wearing a helmet at the time, and in fact refused to ever wear one saying, “What do I need a helmet for? If someone shoots me in the head I’ll kick them in the (profanity deleted) !”


Upon his return to the United States, Dan was arrested for his previous life of bootlegging. The trial lasted just 3 days, during which Dan acted as his own lawyer and quickly managed to charm the entire court. The prosecuting attorney for the case was quoted as saying, “I dropped all charges. Yes, we may have had a solid case against Mr. Johnson, but he promises to be good, and that’s good enough for me!”


Dan, following the trial, wanted to get away from his old life (and pending paternity suits) and decided to change his last name to (insert last name). To further distance himself from his previous employment, Dan decided to get a degree in Chemistry, knowing that his experience with brewing bathtub gin would aid in his studies. Dan graduated from SUNY Albany with honors and went on to Johns Hopkins for his PhD. Currently Dan holds a post-doc position at UCSD and lives a law-abiding life with his wife Megan and baby daughter Mia. It is said that Dan maintains his ties with organized crime, but despite many FBI investigations no significant evidence has been collected. One thing that everyone can agree on is that Dr. Dan (insert last name) is one bad mother…

4 comments:

DrX said...

That rules. I can modify the last paragraph up a bit and add more science credentials, and it should be perfectly usable. You rock.

kevthegreat said...

I was going to write more than one and give you a choice, but I don't think I could improve much on this one.

Megan said...

Maybe he should write bios for the entire lab....

Anneke said...

Keep up the good work.

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