A little over a year ago, a burrito bar in Albany was having a contest for their customers to make a commercial, and the winner would get some prize or something and get their commercial aired as the official Bombers Burrito commercial. Now, I kind of liked Bombers, and went there fairly regularly for Friday happy hours, so I decided I was going to give this a try. I wrote up a couple scripts, but I didn't have a camera, a job, any money, and none of my friends were as enthusiastic about it as I, so it never got done. I have stumbled upon one of the scripts I wrote, and I find it to be brilliant. I will now print it on this blog, and give everyone permission to steal it for use in their commercial. I just want to see it made, I need no royalties or even any acknowledgment, just give me a copy of it.
Ext. Day: There are a crowd of people all surrounding a man in a white robe in a desert. They are all dressed in tattered clothing of biblical times.
Caption: Easter Sunday, 0AD
We zoom in and see the man in the white robes is Jesus, still wearing his crown of thorns and has wounds from his crucifixion.
Man in crowd: Oh, it's a miracle! Why have you come back to us? What great wisdom have you arisen from the dead to tell us?
Jesus looks the man in the eye, places his hand on his shoulder and begins to speak in a deliberate soft voice to the crowd.
Jesus: My children, I haven't come back for you. I came back for one last Bomber's burrito!
Cut to the Bombers logo and the slogan: Bombers burritos: Better than heaven.
Cut back to Jesus with a burrito in his hand.
Jesus: Hey, I eat em.
Jesus takes a bite from his burrito and winks at the camera.
I also have alternate slogans for the commercial:
Bomber's Burritos, crucifixion not necessary for purchase.
Bomber's Burritos, it's better than fish and loaves.
Bomber's Burritos, a taste of salvation.
With a Bomber's burrito in hand, who needs religion?