Monday, September 17, 2007

God heals Kitna

Here's a great story from the NFL. Detroit Lions quarterback John Kitna was sacked in the second quarter of their game against the Vikings yesterday and received a concussion. He was expected to be out the rest of the game, but came back for most of the fourth quarter and overtime to help win the game. Kitna's explanation:

I've never felt anything like that, and for it to clear up and go right back to as normal as I can be, is nothing short of a miracle," Kitna said Monday. "I just definitely feel the hand of God. That's all it was. You can't explain it.

That's right, there is no explaining it, other than a miracle. There is no way someone can feel better more than an hour after receiving a minor concussion. It's impossible!

Look, if God were a fan of the NFL, it's obvious he hates the Lions. They've made the playoffs like once in the past forty years. They're horrible and have been forever. Jesus hates the Lions, mark it down. He told me. That's right, Jesus appeared in the form of a pastrami sandwich and told me he hates the Detroit Lions and that he purposely gave Kitna the concussion in the first place, and he was sorry he didn't make it worse to keep him out of the rest of the game. Then I ate the Jesus/sandwich and He was delicious. He could have used more mustard, though...

4 comments:

phishbone23 said...

It would be funny if Kitna was really an atheist before the game and he was still concussed when speak that crap.

Jeanne E. Loupe said...

If God could heal through Jesus 2000 years ago, why can't he heal now?

kevthegreat said...

Well, your first assumption (God healed Jesus 200 years ago) is highly suspect, but that's besides the point. I'm just pointing out the complete arrogance on the part of these sports stars that claim God heals them, or is responsible for them winning.
If there were a God, why would he be healing concussed sports stars, while letting infants die of starvation and disease? Don't you think there are people more worthy of being healed than a guy with a minor injury suffered while making millions of dollars playing a game?

phishbone23 said...

I always thought I healed from miniature bacteria that once entered my body and formed a great civilization. They enjoy the same things I do, so they make sure I can do them to perfection.

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