I've never felt anything like that, and for it to clear up and go right back to as normal as I can be, is nothing short of a miracle," Kitna said Monday. "I just definitely feel the hand of God. That's all it was. You can't explain it.
That's right, there is no explaining it, other than a miracle. There is no way someone can feel better more than an hour after receiving a minor concussion. It's impossible!
Look, if God were a fan of the NFL, it's obvious he hates the Lions. They've made the playoffs like once in the past forty years. They're horrible and have been forever. Jesus hates the Lions, mark it down. He told me. That's right, Jesus appeared in the form of a pastrami sandwich and told me he hates the Detroit Lions and that he purposely gave Kitna the concussion in the first place, and he was sorry he didn't make it worse to keep him out of the rest of the game. Then I ate the Jesus/sandwich and He was delicious. He could have used more mustard, though...
4 comments:
It would be funny if Kitna was really an atheist before the game and he was still concussed when speak that crap.
If God could heal through Jesus 2000 years ago, why can't he heal now?
Well, your first assumption (God healed Jesus 200 years ago) is highly suspect, but that's besides the point. I'm just pointing out the complete arrogance on the part of these sports stars that claim God heals them, or is responsible for them winning.
If there were a God, why would he be healing concussed sports stars, while letting infants die of starvation and disease? Don't you think there are people more worthy of being healed than a guy with a minor injury suffered while making millions of dollars playing a game?
I always thought I healed from miniature bacteria that once entered my body and formed a great civilization. They enjoy the same things I do, so they make sure I can do them to perfection.
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