Saturday, July 21, 2007

We Get Letters!

Here is the first edition of letters to Kevin! This comes from Jimmy of Anchorage, Alaska:

Q: Is it true that you have been banned from wrestling bears because you are too rough for them?

A: Thanks for the email, Jimmy! This has been a rumor that has followed me around for quite some time. Unfortunately, that is all it is; a rumor. I have not been banned from wrestling bears. In fact I still do wrestle them to this day, although they are hard to find down here in North Carolina.

Like most rumors, though, there is a grain of truth in this one. You see, back in 1879, when I was a virile young man, I used to wrestle bears for money with a traveling circus. Whenever we first arrived at a new town, I would challenge the residents to find the biggest meanest grizzly they could. In one small town, just outside of Sacramento, there was a effort put in by my enemies to get the best of me. They gathered 8 of the biggest, meanest grizzlies they could find from all across the continent all at the same time. Now, I promised to fight any bears at any time since it was rare that anyone could find more than 1 that would be willing to tangle with me. The eight bears were a complete surprise to me, but I wasn't about to back down. Now, the only rule that we set was that I was to wrestle the bears one at a time, with a 5 minute rest between matches.

I climbed into the ring to face my first opponent. I decided to make an example of this first one, while I had all of my energy, to put the fear of God in the rest of those blood hungry beasts waiting by the ring for their chance to feast on my intestines (bears like intestines best). Well, I certainly made an example of my opponent, maybe a little too effectively. The crowd was so shocked and sickened by what I did to that creature that they all left, sickened to their very souls. The other bears all fled to the woods and my career was over.

See, I wasn't banned from wrestling bears, it's just that, once word spread, no bears would voluntarily get in the ring with me.

Send an email to Kevin today! He'll post and comment on anything!

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