...every preview of the Transformers movie I have seen looks worse than the previous. I hate you Michael Bay. You shit on my childhood, you fucking prick.
OK, I'll show you why this is gonna suck. Megatron transforms into a jet, not a gun. Bumblebee transforms into a Camaro, not a VW Bug. There is now Soundwave, but I think you actually mean Shockwave, the jet, right? He's not in it either. All of the Transformers (except Optimus Prime) turn into some GM vehicle, since there is a tie in deal. The two main writers of the screenplay have also written such jems as Mission Impossible III, The Legend of Zorro and The Island. The movie is going to suck long and hard, and I refuse to pay to go see it.
I thought JJ Abrams wrote MI3. Which was really "Alias the Movie Back In The First Or Second Season Of Alias When It Was Kind Of Good." Which I kind of liked, though I can hardly remember any of it.
Dude, was Transformers every really any good anyway? Go back and watch those cartoons. They're almost as bad as He-Man, without the surreality. Though the comics are ok, sometimes. Did I ever give you those? I have a complete run on my hard drive.
Of course, my mother-in-law just gave me a fancy box set of the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon, which I can't wait to watch, so what do I know.
I guess what I'm saying is: Don't accuse somebody of raping your childhood when it was a willing, shameless whore to begin with.
Look, I'm not saying the Transformers cartoons were of high quality to start, I'm just saying I am pissed that they are digging something up from my childhood, giving it to a fuckwit like Michael Bay and turning it into a lame ass summer blockbuster, while at the same time changing everything around. I'm just saying, if you are going to make a generic lame blockbuster, at least come up with an original premise. Don't dig up things from my childhood and fuck them all up. The Transformers cartoon may have been a whore to the toy industry at the time, but I was a kid and didn't know better. That's why it should stay in the past. I wasn't as bitter and cynical then, so I have pure memories of it.
As for MI3, JJ Abrams did cowrite the script with the 2 hacks that wrote the Transformers movie. I have yet to see (and may never see) MI3, however, so I can't comment on it's awfulness. Of course the two who wrote Transformers (Alex Kurtzman and Robert Orci) also wrote for Alias, so maybe you'll like it, DrX. I, however, will boycott it since I despise Michael Bay.
No, that's too easy. It would be much more fun to praise Michael Bay. Hmmmm, that actually is a really good idea. I'm going to make a post tonight praising the work of Michael "Fuckwit" Bay. And then we should criticize someone like Ingmar Bergman (or maybe someone a little more modern) as being a no talent hack.
8 comments:
What are you talking about?? It seems like something cool....I hope Soundwave is in it!
OK, I'll show you why this is gonna suck. Megatron transforms into a jet, not a gun. Bumblebee transforms into a Camaro, not a VW Bug. There is now Soundwave, but I think you actually mean Shockwave, the jet, right? He's not in it either. All of the Transformers (except Optimus Prime) turn into some GM vehicle, since there is a tie in deal. The two main writers of the screenplay have also written such jems as Mission Impossible III, The Legend of Zorro and The Island. The movie is going to suck long and hard, and I refuse to pay to go see it.
I thought JJ Abrams wrote MI3. Which was really "Alias the Movie Back In The First Or Second Season Of Alias When It Was Kind Of Good." Which I kind of liked, though I can hardly remember any of it.
Dude, was Transformers every really any good anyway? Go back and watch those cartoons. They're almost as bad as He-Man, without the surreality. Though the comics are ok, sometimes. Did I ever give you those? I have a complete run on my hard drive.
Of course, my mother-in-law just gave me a fancy box set of the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon, which I can't wait to watch, so what do I know.
I guess what I'm saying is: Don't accuse somebody of raping your childhood when it was a willing, shameless whore to begin with.
Look, I'm not saying the Transformers cartoons were of high quality to start, I'm just saying I am pissed that they are digging something up from my childhood, giving it to a fuckwit like Michael Bay and turning it into a lame ass summer blockbuster, while at the same time changing everything around. I'm just saying, if you are going to make a generic lame blockbuster, at least come up with an original premise. Don't dig up things from my childhood and fuck them all up. The Transformers cartoon may have been a whore to the toy industry at the time, but I was a kid and didn't know better. That's why it should stay in the past. I wasn't as bitter and cynical then, so I have pure memories of it.
As for MI3, JJ Abrams did cowrite the script with the 2 hacks that wrote the Transformers movie. I have yet to see (and may never see) MI3, however, so I can't comment on it's awfulness. Of course the two who wrote Transformers (Alex Kurtzman and Robert Orci) also wrote for Alias, so maybe you'll like it, DrX. I, however, will boycott it since I despise Michael Bay.
Should our schtick then be that we hate Michael Bay? Is he to be the target of our mighty blog wrath?
No, that's too easy. It would be much more fun to praise Michael Bay. Hmmmm, that actually is a really good idea. I'm going to make a post tonight praising the work of Michael "Fuckwit" Bay. And then we should criticize someone like Ingmar Bergman (or maybe someone a little more modern) as being a no talent hack.
Ba Na Weep Gra Na Weep Minibom
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